Brennig Jones

I’ve done this in a kind of Twitteresque way…

05.15
Just leaving the house to get ready for today’s 2-Phase competition. So nervous breakfast tasted awful and felt like mashed cardboard in my mouth.

05.45
Arrived yard, drove the lorry out of its parking bay, washed out water containers and refilled, just fetching Vin in from his field to feed and groom him.

06.55
Finally finished grooming Vin, he’s had his breakfast, tack’s loaded in the lorry, 30-gallons of drinkng water onboard, passport, grooming kit and clothing all checked. Just going to load Vin and set off.

07.50
Arrived Sapey, walking the cross-country course trying hard not to remember that a rider was killed here last year. The show jumping track looks easy but two changes of rein!

08.25
I’m tacked up: white shirt, black tie, fawn jodhpurs, black show jacket - number bib over, black riding gloves, leather riding boots, hat with black silk.

Vin’s tacked up: brushing boots all round, over-reach boots on his front feet, two numnahs, saddle, girth, bridle, running martingale.

Time to get on and work in for the show jumping.

09.10 - the show jumping
It wasn’t bad! We were first to go in our team (of four) so had the standard to set. Unfortunately we didn’t set it too high - Vin got a little close to the first element of the double, rubbed it with his off-fore hoof and that got us 4 penalties.

That aside it went really well but I did feel (mentally) that I held him back, though I didn’t get that feeling physically. Very chuffed with our effort. Now back to the lorry to change.

09.30
I’m tacked up: fawn jodhpurs, T-shirt, body protector, cross country shirt - number bib over, black riding gloves, leather riding boots, hat with matching cross country colours.

09.35
Arrive at the cross country start to be told that Vin’s new reins don’t have martingale stops, we’re sent back to sort this omission out.

09.45
Thankfully, find a pair of martingale stops on an old pair of Beech’s reins in a bag at the bottom of the lorry’s tack locker. Fit them, mount up and ride back to the cross country start where…

09.55
There’s a hold on the course while an on-course hole is filled in. I wonder if it was moles.

10.05
We’re told that the cross country section is restarting. I work Vin in gently, we jump the practice fence twice then hang around the steward looking ‘ready’; she calls us forward to the start.

10.08
One minute countdown.

10.09 - the cross country
Fence 1 was ridiculously easy. Fence 2 same but we wobbled two strides after landing while I retrieved my right stirrup while maintaining our forward pace. Fence 3 was easy as was fence 4 and fence 5.

Fence 6 was (for the bold rider) a testing narrow corner or (for the less bold) a significantly easier upright. Fence 6 was also the start of the timed section. Vin felt absolutely brilliant so we went for the bold corner which we flew over.

We stonk at great speed (we are in the timed section after all!) down the hill to the (steel) barrels which concerns me but not Vin, after landing we bend right and attack fence 8 - which is the last fence in the timed section.

Over it we bend left and shift downhill to the tyres, then on to the hanging roll-top, then the hanging log, then the water, then jump out, then the hanging log, then the table.

My intention was to hack around the cross country and motor like hell through the timed section.

Vin had other ideas.

Back at the lorry I untacked, unbooted and gave him a bath then dried him off. He refused water (as he usually does when he’s away from home) but was interested in the grass so I grazed him.

I’ll spare the rest of the minutiae.

Vin is brilliant; he loves his jumping and we’re establishing all of the things that we need to have in our armoury to allow us to go eventing with the Big Boys (and Girls).

And the scores on the doors?

I don’t know how well the team did but our scores within the team were:

See what I mean? How brilliant is this boy!

In closing I need to offer a massive thank you to everyone from Bromyard Riding Club who organised and hosted the day.

I know how difficult it is to put on any kind of competition; every official is an unpaid volunteer who gives their time freely and generously because they want to.

Thank you.

B.

Episode 11 (29 minutes running time)

It’s Saturday morning in Studio K (the kitchen) and…

Citronella and Adam Curry do the introductions to Episode 11 which was recorded in a very warm, sunny Worcestershire countryside kitchen.

Music:
This week it’s a challenge to your earbuds!

We kick off with a brilliant mashup - Jenny’s Superstitions - The Killers and Stevie Wonder brought together by DJ Lobsterdust.

Our middle segment is another mashup - Promiscuous Lola - the unlikely pairing of Nellie Furtardo and 50s jazz singer Sarah Vaughn.

We trade out with X-Factor’s Journey South.

The topics this week include redressing a point about cyclists; driving in country lanes; the price of a gallon of fuel; and electrical generation.

Podcast admin:
Journey South comes from the Podsafe Music Network, the mashups come direct from the masher-uppers.

If you’d like to send in a contribution or air your views you can email the podcast: thisreality@brennigjones.com (killer anti-spam software requiring once-only validation!).

Or if you prefer you can leave your comments (or whatever) in our drop zone at http://drop.io/thisreality.

B.

 

 Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Yay!

Tomorrow we’re taking the in-laws to lunch.

Then we’re going to Sapey, Herefordshire, to walk the track for Sunday’s Mercian Teams two-phase competition.

Our team times for Sunday are:

Wayfarers:

(The other team members aren’t really all called ‘Her’, I’ve just done that to anonymice, anonymouses, anonymeece… protect their identities. And that’s ‘protect’ as in: they won’t want to be associated with the four-star, tits-up mess of things that Vin and I will endeavour to create)

So.

Vin and I are the first combination in our team to go.

The Pathfinder they call that position in equestrian circles.

The comedy act I call it.

And going first… it asks such big questions.

Like:

a. Should we go for a slow but sure clear round in both disciplines - thereby positioning the team in a ’safe’ position and allow the tail-end Charlies to take risks?

Or:

b. Should we pretend that we’re that famous Mark Todd/Charisma combination at Badminton and go like hell against the clock taking risks where they arise?

I think we need a team talk beforehand; tactics to sort out.

But at least going that early means we’ll be finished and back home at a reasonable time.

So when you roll over in your beds on Sunday morning…

Think of us.

B.

SwindonSpeak, it’s a little like a 21st Century version of Orwell’s Newspeak as outlined in his work 1984.

Here’s a snippet of overhearing that fell loudly in to my ears while I was in the centre of Swindon town getting some cash out of the machine (I’ve done the best I can with punctuation, but where there was no breath or natural pause, sentences have been continued).

“Gor lookit tha’ photo she’s go’ tits inshe an’ fuckin’ legs she’s fuckin’ gorgeous Jase wearjoo pull ‘er in that pub in Portugal you toll me abou’?”

“Yer on the firs’ nye an’ she ‘ad a fren rye bu’ she fuck’d off and fucken fuck’d a fucken German wouldja believe i’ good lookin’ bir’ too aye.”

“How far she live ay are you goin’ to ge’ togev’r agin?”

“Nah she’s in fuckin’ Devin inni’ or sumwear up norf s’fuckin’ miles if she wan’s me she can come an’ ge’ me she knows wear I is.”

“Hahahahaha.”

Good grief.

Is there any hope for the rest of us?

B.

Yesterday evening Big Vin and I hacked around the headlands of a bunch of fields with the girls (Tracey and her chestnut mare Charlie).

It was a beautiful evening, the Worcestershire countryside really opened itself up; the view was terrific, the sights (landscape and animal wildlife) was brilliant and even the rich, flavourful bouquet was more heady than usual.

The trouble is Vin thought so too.

He started headshaking part-way through the hack.

Headshaking is one of those ‘known unknowns’ (as that nice Mr Rumsfeld would probably put it).

If you’re interested there’s a page of info here on the condition.

So the process of elimination begins.

I’ve ordered a nose net as the first step.

If the nose net reduces the symptoms then (hooray!) we know where we are.

If the nose net doesn’t change things then we shall look for other probable causes to eliminate.

Potentially Vin’s headshaking affects our competition schedule.

From a practical angle alone, you really don’t want to be sitting on a horse that’s so busy shaking its head the horse hasn’t seen the 3′ solid fence you’re galloping towards!

And ethically and morally one wouldn’t want to be working a horse during a headshaking bout.

We shall see.

Ho hum.

Meanwhile in other news…

I seem to be continuing in my role as the object of (reasonably good-natured) yard-based humour.

It’s down to being the only male; I know the females are ganging up on me but I also know that it’s only in a gentle display of the competitive gene masking a level of affection.

Young Laura went XC schooling at Bissell Wood last night; I haven’t heard how things went but I hope everything was successful (especially after the fall she had in the arena last week).

Vin and I are competing in a Mercian Teams two-phase (show jumping then cross country) competition at Sapey, Herefordshire on Sunday.

It’s only a low-level competition, a precursor to full-on Eventing.

I want to take this opportunity to establish his pace and have both of us comfortable about putting everything we’ve learned over SJ and XC fences over the last four months in to jumping actual tracks.

We know he’s capable of jumping far higher, but jumping grids and one-off XC fences in schooling sessions requires a different mental attitude to jumping a course of fences.

Fingers crossed.

Anyway, things to do before the competition:
* Find out where Sapey is
* Determine the best route for the lorry
* Estimate how long it will take to make the trip
* Find out what our SJ and XC times are
* Plan the yard time of departure to include sufficient ‘working in’ before we compete
* Walk the course on Saturday afternoon
* Find a nice venue for Saturday lunch (as a treat for the ‘in-laws’ and Soph) not too far from Sapey - see course walk point above!
* Clean tack
* Panic, stress and generally worry about it and everything that might be related to the competition, my riding ability and Vin’s general wellbeing.

B.

Holy Bloody Hell.

These people are supposed to be bright?

They’re chasing a low six-figure salary?

This evening we have two teams of candidates running around on a shopping expedition in Marrakesh.

There’s the gobby northern twat - Claire - who is so mouthy that she’s stealing everybody else’s oxygen.

She embarrasses me.

That I’m a member of the same species as her - that’s what embarrasses me.

She doesn’t know the meaning of the word ’silent’. She doesn’t know what the word ‘tact’ means.

And she’s so much in denial that it’s actually beyond belief.

Lee, bless him, is trying.

But sadly he’s trapped in the back of a taxi with a Muslim girl who apparently doesn’t understand the concept of evening prayer in an African country.

And let me get this straight… Jenny (the tall read-headed candidate) who tries to bribe a member of staff in a store to not supply the opposing team is applying for a job as PA to Sir Alan Sugar (AMS)?

Yet she shows the ethics of Fagin?

Does she honestly think that AMS wants to be associated with someone like that?

Back in AMS’s boardroom she opens her mouth and lies and lies and lies.

The team leader (also a Jennifer – but another one) is frankly, a brainless, spineless, game-playing Northern Irish bint.

And on their team they have a person who describes himself as ‘a nice Jewish boy’ who doesn’t know the difference between Kosher and Halal?

These are allegedly intelligent people?

Meanwhile on the other team we see a degree of control that’s completely absent from the former team.

In particular Rafe is a real player - though I strongly suspect he’s doing so well in Marrakesh because of his looks, appearance and above all, his excellent demeanour.

I’m warming to him.

He’s improving with time.

I realise that The Apprentice is car crash television but some of these people are so contemptible that they almost defy belief.

In the taxi back to the house the aforementioned gobby northern twat – Claire – tells us that her nickname at work is ‘Rottweiler’.

I’ve got news for you Claire.

That nickname is nothing to do with your attitude.

It’s because you’re a dog.

B.

According to this article in Billboard Magazine, there are 125,000 podcasts available on iTunes.

Podcast Alley reveals that This Reality podcast is currently ranked 2,932 (up from the previous listing at 3,280).

I don’t for one instant believe the two pieces of information are entirely linkable but it’s an interesting benchmark (our server’s RAW stats indicate a clear majority of This Reality’s downloads are via iTunes).

I feel that whenever I say iTunes I should add the words ‘other podcatchers are available’.

On that topic, I’m currently playing with myPodder which seems to be a neat, client-less (and free, natch)  alternative to the iTunes directory.

B.

Kind of like one of those Malory Towers books - or even something by Christine Pullein-Thompson, or the far more saccharine ‘Jill’ books (Jill has two Ponies; A Stable for Jill, etc)…

The big day arrives and with the predictability that fate is unpredictable… something comes along to scotch the plan.

The weather.

We were supposed to be going down to Herefordshire today, for Vin’s (aka Dubious Deal) first Hunter Trial.

We walked the course yesterday and it was wet; in some places it was boggy, in others it was ’soft’ - but that was before any horses had gone forwards at 25-30mph.

There was a notice up that said if there was any rain overnight the Hunter Trial would be cancelled.

It’s been raining here since 04.00 - mostly light rain but with several periodic bursts of what is known, in technical meteorological circles, as ‘pissing it down’.

I’ve checked their website; it says the competition is still on.

Perhaps it’s not been raining down there in Herefordshire?

Whatever; on the basis of yesterday’s ‘walk through’ I was already in two minds as to whether to compete or not.

Today, after listening to the rain and remembering that we’d be 34th to start, and imagining what the state of the - already - very wet ground would be like, I’ve decided we’re not going.

So yay.

Except… boo.

Vin needed to go. I needed to go. We needed the run.

What we didn’t need was skiddy, slippery gallops, ploughed up take-offs and boggy, muddy, tendon-pulling landings.

This is supposed to be part of Vin’s ‘it’s all fun’ education.

It’s a high risk sport and I’m not in the game of increasing the risks just for the sake of it.

So I’m disappointed that I’ve decided we’re not going, but I think it’s the right thing for us.

Live to fight another day, but disappointment all over the place - in my head at least.

Thursday we’ve got show jumping training with Mandy at Gracelands.

Next weekend we’re in a Mercian Teams two-phase at Sapey.

But I would have liked today’s run first, but not at increased risk.

And in my eyes the overnight weather and already soft going are good enough reasons in their own right not to go.

But there’s still a bitter taste in my mouth.

B.

Episode 10 (31 minutes running time)

It’s early Sunday morning in Studio K (the kitchen) and…

Citronella and Adam Curry do the introductions to Episode 10 which was recorded in a very warm, sunny Worcestershire countryside kitchen.

Music:
We kick off with some dance - bloc party and Flux.

Our middle segment comes from Five AM with the beautiful Be Still.

We trade out with Amphibians and New Day.

The topics this week include meat origination/production, London mayoral elections (the elections, not the outcome) and a very interesting contribution from Citronella, our French correspondent in California.

Podcast admin:
All music played in this episode of This Reality comes courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network.

If you’d like to send in a contribution or air your views you can email the podcast: thisreality@brennigjones.com (killer anti-spam software requiring once-only validation!).

B.

 

 This Reality 10 - Where's the beef?: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Here’s a thing that’s crept on to my RADAR (viewed through the eyes of my ‘collaborative tools’ project).

There are a number of these scientific collaborative tools out there; all of them broadly attempting to meet the same degree of functionality - but not many of them achieving it and significantly fewer achieving it through logical UI.

This one is probably close to being at the top of the ‘NerdBook’ family.

B.