Brennig Jones (and friends)

Apparently the law says that if you drive a Mercedes you can park anywhere you like on Sunday. This is in the heart of our Prime Minister’s constituency, yesterday. On double yellow lines. And on a pedestrian crossing wavy line.

It has been alleged that Wayne Rooney told his wife, by SMS, that he’d been up to his old tricks and sleeping with a prostitute. Again.

By SMS?

Wow, that’s class.

So I will give one free This Reality Podcast T-shirt to each of the five best suggestions of what Mr Rooney *might* have put in his 140 characters

Responses back to me by Friday, 5pm British Summer Time – by any method of communications, but email studio@thisrealitypodcast.com preferred.

Madness can be brought on by a number of internal and external factors or pressures. It seems that BBC News are determined to become listed as one of the most significant external causes of madness of modern times. This morning there were two headlines on the front page of BBC News Online promoting different, self-important proclamations from that most discredited of British Prime Ministers, Tony Blair.

click for the big picture

Aaarrrrghhhhhh! The only *good* news from Team Blair in today’s media is that, because of the considerable trouble that the protesters in Dublin lobbed in his direction, Tony has said he might not attend any more book-signings. If Mr Blair follows up his words with actions (and how rare is that? Do we remember ‘Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime’? Or how about ‘Education, education, education’?), anyway, if he decides *not* to do any more book-signings, we will have much to thank the people of Eire for.

Speaking of madness, the doomed nanny organisation, the Thames Valley Safer Roads Partnership (TVSRP), seems to be suffering from delusions of adequacy. The cause of the corporate mental aberration is the decision – by Oxfordshire County Council – to switch off all speed cameras in the county. Before we look at what these people have been saying, let’s just remind ourselves of a couple of salient points:

1. the speed limit in the city of Oxford is a massive 20mph at all times of the day – and night
2. the Thames Valley Safer Roads Partnership was established and run, at public expense, to manage, maintain and operate all of the (now switched off) speed cameras in Oxfordshire

TVSRP – and lets face it, they’re hardly an impartial observer on this matter – said earlier this month that the number of drivers speeding past Oxfordshire’s switched-off speed cameras had increased by up to 88% as a result of the switch off. My question is, if the cameras have been switched off… how would they know? How would they know the number of speeders has increased by up to 88%? And how would they know the cause for any incidence of speeding was as a result of the switch-off? And ‘increased *by up to*…? What does that mean? It seems to me that if this is the quality of corporate announcements that the TVSRP have been producing, the best thing that Oxfordshire County Council could have done was precisely what it has – stop their funding. Because in terms of quality of information, these statements are ridiculous. And to close these few thoughts, the complete and utter twats who *choose* to break the speed limit in Oxfordshire wouldn’t care if the cameras were switched on or not. I see them speeding down the 50mph section of the A34 every time I use it.

Craigslist, which, if you don’t know, is a foreign ‘listings’ website, has been forced to censor its ‘Adult services section’. The word ‘censor’ in this context means that users of the website in its own country won’t be able to view the ‘Adult’ section, but users in other countries will be able to. Am I wrong to compare this censorship to Google’s censorship of the internet within China? I thought the people of the United States of America were protected by a constitution that guaranteed the right of free speech? Now I find that the words ‘free speech’ should have a rider along the lines of  ‘only if we like what you’re saying’. Surely censorship is censorship, and it doesn’t matter whether the motivation to keep information out of the public domain is political or not? On behalf of the sensible residents of the US, I’m fearful of the increasing influence of the American religious right-wing. They scare the hell out of me, they’re the same as any other group of religious fundamentalists in any other country.

Conversely, some of the residents of the Republic of Eire – which isn’t even in the UK – turned out today to express how they feel about Tony Blair. I’m not at all upset that Mr Blair was pelted with eggs, fruit and shoes. I feel sorry for the Gardai that they had to deal with so many angry people. It can’t have been a pleasant duty for them, made all the more unpleasant that they were detailed to protect the lying shit. But, in these financially-constrained times, I think the British government should consider withdrawing Mr Blair’s bodyguard with immediate effect, and encouraging foreign governments to do the same. After all, what could be worse for Mr Blair than being forced to live unisolated from and in close proximity to the people so affected by his past political decisions?

Speaking of public money being used for dubious purposes, The Pope – the head of some religious cult or other which is based, as you would expect, in a foreign country – will shortly be visiting the UK. The estimated cost for this religious bloke’s visit to the UK is around £12million, but – BUT - this figure does not include the multi-million pound bill for policing.  Sensible people might expect the organisation that employs The Pope to pay for all of the costs of his visit, but no, the Roman Catholic church are only putting £9million in to the pot. How can this be right? We’re cash-strapped. Public services – including funding for the defence of the nation and financial support services for elderly and vulnerable people – are being cut back. And yet £millions of public money are being diverted into this event? What the fuck? We’re not a Roman Catholic country, the UK is not even a religious country – the majority of us do not attend church or participate in organised religious events. And yet the Government is going to spend £millions on this, instead of supporting front-line *public* services? Has the world gone completely and utterly fucking mad?

Surprisingly, this evening I have found the time to restring/retune my faithful SG. Unsurprisingly, it still sounds as though it is being played by a tone-deaf, rhythmically-challenged, geriatric, arthritic left-handed camel. From Gravesend. Actually, I’m not that surprised. Just disappointed that I continue to sound like Bonnie and Clyde. Instead of Bonnie Raitt. Still, you want to see it?

Looking better than I make it sound

Tonight has been ‘a boy’s night in’. Apart from restringing the SG – and getting very tempted to get my acoustic out for a tune-up – I have had a film-fest. The Bourne Identity. What an awesome film. There are cinematographic sequences in The Bourne Identity that could have been shot by Luc Besson. That’s high praise. I view Luc Besson as one of the finest producers of high-speed action sequences we’ve ever been blessed with. But what I love about The Bourne Identity is the attention to detail. There are flashes of authentic spook tradecraft, and it’s a pleasure to see such things being used correctly.

Saturday afternoon I’m going to a rehearsal studio to shoot film. If you’re in the OX area and you’d like to join me, let me know – I could use another photographer! I aim to be there for an hour from 1pm, and will be photographing and videoing just about non-stop. Ideally I’d like to come away with 150 shots as well as video footage, so another lense on the job would be more than welcome. I’m looking for a mix of aspects; close-ups, ultra-close-ups, groupwork, action portraits. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t done it before, just come along and snap away.

Professor Steven Hawking and Professor Leonard Mlodinow will, no doubt, both be criticised for their lack of religious understanding, once the precise detail behind their published thinking – that God did not create the universe – has sunk in. It takes a man of extraordinary moral backbone to make this declaration, but for two such eminent scientists to haul themselves in to the God-botherers’ firing line is stunning. We know that the Roman Catholic branch of this superstition have gone as far as to employ scientists, to enable greater understanding of academic study. But the other branches of this flat-earth organisation that studiously refuse to believe empirical evidence will continue to shove their ostrich-like heads in the sand. Which makes me wonder why so many people follow these irrational beliefs?

Journalism and accounting seem not to mix at The Daily Mail, which is a significant problem for Mail journalists, as they often like to examine, in the minutest detail, public finance mistakes – and expose those mistakes to general and widespread derision. Just imagine the glee that the Mail would exhibit as it jumped all over a story where the finances were under-budgeted by 30%. Oh, wait… Someone needs to remind the Mail journalists how many days there are in a week.

click for the big picture

Unfortunately, no-brainers aren’t the exclusive domain of the Daily Mail. I pulled this one off the BBC News website. The clipping shows a photograph of possibly the most hated former British Prime Minister since Sir Robert Walpole took up the title, 289 years ago. As if it were some kind of herculean feat, the BBC asks the question: ‘How do you sum up a life story in two words?’, next to Mr Blair’s photograph.  Oh, in his case, that’s really easy, ‘War Criminal’.

This man is a vagina, but in colloquial terms (click for the big picture)

Restaurant review: The Rose Revived, Newbridge, Witney, OX29 7QD

The in-laws came down from Worcestershire today, so we toddled down to the Rose Revived for lunch.

The Rose Revived is a country pub/restaurant with accommodation. Part of the Old English Inns chain, the pub is located about halfway between Witney and Abingdon, on the banks of the river Thames.

The location is an idyllic spot for a visit; surrounded by rural countryside on the northern bank of the gently-flowing river, this must be a lovely place to sit and sip and take in the scenery on a warm evening.

But we were there, on Bank Holiday Monday, for lunch.

Our table was booked for 1.15pm and we walked in at… 1.15pm.

There were long queues at the left- and right-hand bar, but we chose wisely and were served drinks quicker than the folk in the other line.

Unfortunately, as we ordered our drinks, we were told that there was a waiting time of one hour for main-course meals.

Gulp!

I’m not sure we really considered walking out. We had, after all, booked to eat at the Rose Revived; it wasn’t as if we were opportunist drop-in punters, we wanted to be there.

By 1.25pm we had ordered (2x Lamb Shank, 1x well done Sirloin Steak, 1x Cumberland Sausage and Mash and 1x Peppered Mushroom suet pudding and mashed potato) and sat back to sip our drinks and while away an hour with conversation.

Sadly, 2.25pm came and went.

So did 3pm.

One hour and 40 minutes after ordering, our meal arrived.

At this point it’s worth noting a couple of points

• Many customers around us were loudly complaining about the amount of time it was taking to have food delivered
• Some customers negotiated a refund of their meal costs, and walked out
• The serving staff were doing their best to deal with people who become increasingly unhappy, and they were managing very well in the face of adversity

When it eventually arrived, four out of the five diners were more than happy with their food. Unfortunately, the ‘well done’ Sirloin Steak was far from being ‘well done’, as you can plainly see:

The diner who had ordered the steak declined to return the dish, in view of the hour and 40 minutes it had taken to have his meal delivered in the first place. Begrudgingly and grumblingly he put up with it.

The other four diners in our party had no such problems; plates were quickly cleared of main courses and side-orders.

There were no issues with our desserts; they were ordered, very quickly delivered and, almost as quickly dispatched.

It has to be said that the quality of all desserts and four out of five of the main courses was exemplary.

But one main course was clearly unsatisfactory, and it was not returned because of the extraordinary length of time it took to be delivered in the first place.

There is something fundamentally wrong with a kitchen when the waiting time for a main course is almost an hour and three-quarters from the time of ordering.

The Rose Revived is in a lovely spot, it’s a pleasing, well-tended, clean and comfortable venue; the serving-staff are pleasant and work hard under difficult circumstances.

But the management of the Inn need to ask themselves this one, simple question: at what point does it become acceptable to keep customers waiting over 1-1/2 hours for their main course?

Based on today’s experience, despite the gorgeous location and despite the cheerful, helpful serving staff, I am unable to advise anyone to visit the Rose Revived for a meal. In fact, based on one hour and forty minutes waiting time and a steak that was distinctly under-cooked, I can only advise people to give the Rose Revived a miss.

Yesterday, while I was driving back to the yard from Highclere Horse Trials, I had one of those ‘I’m going to fall asleep any minute now’ moments. I think it was the combination of not enough sleep last week and being out all day at Highclere. So I took a breather and tried to snap out of it but the tiredness only receded, it didn’t vanish. I diverted home, deciding that I was too tired to ride. I haven’t seen enough of the horses this week, it wasn’t an easy choice, but it was the sensible one.

Neighbours can be weird things. Last night ours were setting off fireworks – very loud ‘whooshing’ rockets. They sounded like teenagers – the neighbours, not the rockets. I’m beginning to wonder if the house is occupied by a bunch of students. I’ve tried to work out what they could be up to, setting off rockets, but can’t come up with any sensible answers. Apart from the fact that they’re selfish twats who don’t care about disturbing the peace and quiet that other people might be enjoying.

Daughter sent me an email yesterday afternoon; she asked if any schools near where I live specialise in drama and acting. She’s always been keen on following acting as a career. Evidently the schools in Spain don’t tick the right boxes any longer and she is now setting her sights further afield. I feel sorry for the rest of the world.

Daughter

Sophie’s laptop is throwing out WiFi connectivity drops. Yesterday evening I planned that I would go to Maplin to pick up a new PCI WiFi card on Sunday afternoon, and then go up to the yard to ride. And then we went to bed and eventually slept.

Insomnia landed at 1.20am. My throat was incredibly dry and I felt dehydrated; I’d love to know what I was up to for the first five hours of sleep. I went downstairs, drank two pints of water, did a little internetting for a couple of hours and went back to bed.

Waking at 9.15am feels just a little bit… sinful. 9.15 is so late to be waking up! I made us breakfast in bed, then I showered, shaved, teethed and then… went back to bed. We read, we did stuff, we fell asleep and I woke up at 2pm. So much for my going in to Maplin and riding plans! I tottered downstairs and started on some overdue webdesign and email stuff. About an hour later those same pesky neighbours started letting off fireworks again – another clutch of loudly ‘whooshing’ rockets. I hate people, sometimes. Soph tottered downstairs and we agreed that people are generally thoughtless twunts, and if they really needed to let off rockets they should do so in the privacy of their own home. And then I realised I was hungry, so second breakfast was had.

Beans on toast x4 and a cheese & onion roll

During the early morning awakenings I had an idea for a video promo for the podcast. I’ve started jotting down the ideas in a kind of ‘shooting script’ sort of way.  There are six scenes to be filmed, here are the first five:

1. Shot of inside of empty pub
2. Shot of inside of empty restaurant
3. Shot of inside of empty library
4. Shot of inside of empty car park
5. Shot of inside of empty church

Ideally, I wanted a shot of an empty street scene for shot 5, but I’m not sure that’s achievable.

Advertising people talk shit. There was just an advert on the television that included the words, ‘Timotei searches the world for precious natural ingredients…’ – which, presumably, extends to ‘Timotei are going to rape the planet for, rip these precious natural ingredients out of their natural environment and cram these precious natural ingredients in to their distinctly average hair products’.  Because why else would Timotei include precisely that wordage in their advert? Really, is there any other conclusion to be reached? So here’s a message: Hey people, don’t buy Timotei products, they’re environmental rapists. Or perhaps no-one actually listens to the distinctly mediocre advertising wordage that is rammed down our televisions these days. Except me, obv. But if no-one listens, why are Timotei paying their advertising agency squillions of $s?

Eventing is one of those sports that just looks easy. But not only is there more to it than one might think, there is a kind of social camaraderie to the sport. I toddled down the A34 to Highclere Castle today to watch Owen compete Hayley’s horse Twiglet, and Sam compete on Mobile (pron: Mo-billy). And to do other things as well that may have included food. *cough*

But I remembered my cameras this time. And, what’s more, I also remembered to use them!

So here’s my day at Highclere Horse Trials in pictures. But first, the most important meal of the entire morning…

Start the day the right way

At Highclere I quickly found the crew:

Mobile and his helper, Kath

Barbara. Whose name isn't really Barbara. It's a long story

Sam, Mobile's owner/rider

Owen, Twiglet and his owner, Hayley

Hayley seems to be scratching her bum here

While the equestrians toddled up to the dressage, I went to explore the main arena which, at Highclere, includes a number of strange and wonderful attractions not previously seen at a Horse Trials, including…

Never seen these at a Horse Trials before!

They look like fun!

Can't help wondering how the horses are supposed to climb that

Would love to see a horse on this, too!

A little light refreshment, part-way around

Perhaps a cold drink?

And something hot to eat?

More choices?

An old mate, last seen 15 years ago!

Charlie the Coffee Man, making my cheese & tomato toasties

A proud mum

I didn’t realise that Daily Mail staff had to pay a massive premium on their television licence fee just, presumably, for being Daily Mail employees:

click the image for the big picture

Serves them right, really.