Ah g’day Bruce and Sheils

With deepest apologies to anyone who, you know, might actually be Australian


[rising inflection on every sentence please]

Awight mates?

So t’day I bin torkin’ ‘Strine.

An’ doin’ Strine things.

In a good ol’ Strine fashun.

For lunch I had a koala burger.

With a side order of spiders.

Big big Strine spiders.

Not them tiny wingeing pom spiders.

Nah mate.


I thort I’d just leave some top quality Strine music in yer earoles.

Here’s Missy.

She sings a bit proper and a bit posh, but she’s as Strine as a gnat on a dingo’s left bollock.


I really need to socialise with some people during the day.

Census, or sense of humour

The United Kingdom Census of 1881 recorded significant information about the people residing in every UK household on the night of 3 April 1881.

It was just the fifth of the UK censuses to include details of household members (previously censuses recorded the head of the household and property details).

Details collected include: address, name, relationship to the head of the family, marital status, age at last birthday, gender, occupation, and place of birth.

What’s really interesting is that at that time, we either had a much looser understanding of ‘occupation’, or perhaps people were less afraid of showing they had a sense of humour.

You decide.

1881 census occupations

1881 census occupations


Blogathon 26/16: The Wisdom Of A Dead Person

As I was driving to work this morning, merrily saluting magpies as I jaunted down the A46, my mind turned to Groucho Marx and his many wise sayings.


The iPod finished playing ‘Disappear’ by ‘inLight’, and then it segued in to ‘Big In Japan’ by the 80s German synth-rockers, Alphaville.



And that got me thinking about the classic sci-fi/distopian noir film ‘Alphaville’, which was written and directed by Jean-Luc Godard.



Now Jean-Luc Godard has had many moments of brilliant witticism, but probably his best were the words “Je suis Marxiste, tendance Groucho.”

And that, obviously, put my head in front of another brilliant witticismist (definitely is a word!), Groucho Marx.

Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

With his greasepainted moustache that sat tauntingly in front of a range of deadpan expressions, Groucho was the perfect foil to any number of fools.

Some of his most famous quotes were written by Hollywood script-writers, but he contributed to many of his own one-liners. Many were on-set adlibs.

But as I momentarily tuned out ‘Big in Japan’, I sniggered as I recalled:

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five

And of course, my favourite:

Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member