Equality for dogs! And snakes! (on a plane?)

Long-term readers will know that I’m not a cat person.

Oh, I know they have their uses, and that these include such worthwhile behaviours as:

  • Patrolling in your garden, yowling loudly at 2am
  • Crapping in your garden even if they belong to somebody else
  • Patrolling in your garden, yowling loudly at 3am
  • Slaughtering wildlife and leaving things like bird spleens exactly where you’re going to tread on them
  • Patrolling in your garden, yowling loudly at 4am

Valuable though these things surely are, it is an inescapable fact that, for unfathomable reasons, we allow cats to roam freely across our homes and gardens – and also allow them to roam freely across our neighbours’ homes and gardens, without even giving our neighbours a choice in the matter – in a way that we do not allow dogs (or other pets) to roam.

Other pets such as:

  • Hamsters
  • Gerbils
  • Rats
  • Snakes
  • Ponies

I think this behaviour is breedism* and, being a society of equals, believe that we should be working to stamp out this in-built favouritism towards members of the feline race.

We should encourage our hamsters to roam across the countryside.

What’s wrong with allowing our dogs – or our ponies – to wander hither, thither, and indeed yon, across the land, gardens and indeed properties of our neighbours?

How could establishing these equalities be anything other than a good – and fair – goal for the higher forms of life?

It couldn’t.


Therefore we need to establish an Equal Rights for Animals movement.

The ERfA could encourage all pet owners to give their gerbils, hamsters, rats, dogs, ponies – and indeed pet crocodiles – the same freedom of movement that cat-owners grant their fluffy little felines.

This objective would be a fair and wonderful thing for society to achieve.

It’s time that all pet owners (and their pets) were granted the same liberté, égalité, and fraternité that Tiddles has solely enjoyed for far too long.

Let’s stamp out this breedism*.

And allowing our pets to have the same amount of freedom on the ground, obviously extends to allowing our pets to have the same amount of freedom in the air.

Yes indeed.

I look forward to similar amusing videos of dogs, ponies, pet crocodiles and even tame snakes having the same amount of freedom as this little feline:

*breedism, noun
: unfair treatment of an/other creature(s) because of their species; especially : unfair treatment of all animals who are not cats

Tucker’s Law(s)

I fucking love Malcolm Tucker.

Not in a boy way.

I just fucking love how fucking articulate he is.

Yes I know he’s fucking not a fucking real fucking person.

But neverthefuckingless his deft touch with the English fucking language has had a fucking profound effect on many of us fuckers.

And when I fucking saw this I had to fucking share the link.

I just fucking wish I was as instantaneously fucking articulate.

The best I can manage is something along the lines of Grade Two Tourettes (elementary level).



Tucker’s fucking laws.

Blogathon 12/14 – it’s all good harmless fun

I love the amazing source of information that The QI Elves (@qikipedia – sorry if you’re not on the Twitter) share with us.

I spent this lunchtime amazing colleagues with snippets provided by The QI Elves*, such as:

  • The average winter temperature in Sochi is 3.4c higher than the UK winter average
  • In the 1904 Olympics, George Eyser won 3 gold, 2 silver and a bronze medal in gymnastics, even though he had a wooden leg
  • Backpfeifengesicht is German for ‘a face that makes you want to hit it’
  • There is a Causeway in Cambridge with three signs because the local council can’t decide where to put the apostrophe (Worts, Wort’s, Worts’)
  • George Washington’s dentures were made from a combination of hippopotamus teeth, ivory, horse teeth, human teeth, gold, and lead
  • The word ‘jumentous’ means ‘resembling horse urine’
  • Peroni beer is bottled horse urine

*one of these snippets may be made up

There are not many pieces of random information that I carry about with me, ready to display my erudition, but I do love to collect extremely odd pieces of knowledge.

That, for example…

  • Films on IMDB are rated out of 10, but the film This Is Spinal Tap is rated out of 11 (think about it)
  • Marty Wilde had a massive European hit in 1968 (8 years after his daughter Kim was born) with a song about a small Welsh market town (Abergavenny)

But this has made me wonder…

What’s your favourite piece of information? What’s the one piece of trivia that you bring out, when you have the opportunity?

Come on, don’t be shy. I’m not going to tell anyone…

Blogathon 3/14 – telecommuting

One of the features of my current contract is having to keep in regular contact with a team of specialists, who are based at numerous locations around the country.

Sure, we have the usual means of communications: IM, Email, SharePoint, and the somewhat traditional Telephone (for point to point and conference phone calls).

But we also have that other late 20th Century method of keeping in touch.


As any good infrastructure specialist will tell you, VideoConferencing will only work if your infrastructure is up to the job.

In the past (not this contract), I’ve taken part in VideoConferences between Swindon, Cambridge, a research vessel in the South Atlantic, and a research station in the Antarctic.

Those ultra long-distance VideoConferences worked 100% effectively, just as the ones in my current job.

But there are some organisations that try to run VideoConferences on substandard infrastructure.

This is their story – a story of those cheap, shabby organisations try to run 21st Century technology on 19th Century infrastructure…

But enacted in real life.


The Kenny Everett of motorbiking?

I accidentally described this guy – Crumble – as a sort of Alan Partridge. In drawing this comparison I’ve done Crumble a grave disservice.

Instead of the inferior Alan Partridge, think more along the lines of the wacky Kenny Everett.

So if you haven’t met the guy, let me introduce you to the Crumble, and one of his more inspired videos (the dream sequence is awesome!).

(warning: contains swears)