Parental advisory warning: obfuscated rude words ahead
Lunchtime today, yours truly standing in line to pay for a few trinkets bought at a branch of Woolies in a small town on the edge of the Cotswolds.
Behind me are three
chavs college students, two girls and a boy.
One of the girls will be 18-years-old next week (happy birthday girlie chav, btw!).
The conversation centred on what presents she would be getting from various folk and how much each person would have spent on her.
Playstation 3 and various other TechiToys(tm) figured largely until girlie chav no. 2 asked what birthday girlie chav had asked her mum for.
For a split second I wondered precisely what a 17-year-old, soon to be 18-year-old girl would ask her mother for as a birthday present.
Birthday girlie chav broke through my concentration with her answer.
“Well, I’ve asked for a course of laser hair removal treatment.”
She then went on to make it abundantly clear which part of her body she wanted the laser hair removal beams pointed at.
And I wondered how that conversation would have run in soon-to-be-birthday-chav’s house:
Chav’s mum: What do you want for your 18th dear?
Chav: Well mum, what I’d really like is a course of laser hair removal treatment.
Chav’s mum: That would be nice dear, but it might be expensive to get both legs done.
Chav: Well actually mum, it’s not my legs I want done, it’s my cnut.
Chav’s mum: Oh I see! Well, because it’s a much smaller area than both legs I think I can afford that.
Chav: Thanks mum. It’s just such a hassle having to shave it all the time (she actually said this in the queue at Woolies!).
Well, maybe my imagined conversation is completely wrong, but just how does a soon-to-be-18-year-old girl have a conversation with her mother about having her pubic hair removed?
Would the mother ask why? And would she be told that it makes cunnilingus so much more enjoyable for her boyfriend (or girlfriend!)?
Or would the mother smile, say ‘That’s lovely dear, would you like a cake as well?’ and reach for her chequebook?
And is it only me who finds it bizarre on three levels:
1. That an almost 18-year-old girl has identified she (or someone!) prefers her cnut to be smooth
2. That the girl has made this known to her mother, and
3. That the mother is providing a course of pubic hair laser removal treatment for her daughter
Sorry – four things:
4. And that birthday-girlie-chav is discussing the removal of her pubic hair in a not quiet voice whilst standing in a queue for the cash desk in Woolies.
Just me then.
But for the record, as someone who loves delivering cunni…