Friends Reunited seems to have taken a back seat in the Web v2.0 explosion.
Peculiar really, given that Friends Reunited has a much better search facility (you try looking up ‘Belinda Thomas’ on Facebook and then flip to Friends Reunited and use their advanced search page!).
Yeah, I know.
Why am I lying in bed (just gone noon, thanks very much), listening to Millie still howling next door looking up my arch nemesis on Friends Reunited?
Well come a little closer my friends and I’ll tell you my answer…
I don’t know.
There, that’s it.
I think that – starved of sleep and with the edge of reasoning beginning to become unravelled like a kind of tartan travel rug that’s been used a little too often – I’m subconsciously looking for somone to gloat over.
Because I can’t hurt Millie, right?
Right, that would be wrong.
So I want to know how badly Belinda Thomas has fared in life.
I want to find out where she’s failed, I want evidence that there is a Karma that gets the really bad people in the end.
I want to peel apart her life, layer by layer until every one of her mistakes, every moment of the futility of her existence is exposed to my penetrating stare.
And she was really bad to me.
She ‘dear johnned’ me.
It felt that as soon as I had boarded the train to RAF basic training she rushed to her dining room table and, under the careful supervision of her mother (another cow of cows who deserves the full might of bad Karma) penned the most poisonous of letters to end our relationship of 18 months.
But sadly not even Friends Reunited’s advanced search tool can yield her up to my penetrating gaze.
Which makes me feel a little better.
After all, I rationalise (perhaps mistakenly but hey, I’m so short of sleep I know I’m hardly thinking straight), she really must be crap if she’s not even on Friends Reunited.
Anyway, I have to go now.
I’m going to fashion a couple of voodoo dolls, one for each of Millie’s owners.
And then I’m going to stick pins in all of the most sensitive places I can think of.
Oh boy, can I think of a lot of sensitive places!