Oh no, it’s started.
Wimbledon SW19, home of The Wombles and mecca to Very Many Boring People is seeing its annual influx of the near-terminally dull.
And hundreds – I kid you not, absolutely *hundreds* – of hours of television will be freely-given to this grunt-and-groan-and-slap-the-ball event that not even the addition of a new, all-singing, all-dancing sliding roof can elevate to a level slightly north of ‘tedious’.
What, I ask myself, have these tennis-watchers done so wrong in their former lives, to be inflicted with potential bouts of Cliff Richard and hideously overpriced Strawberries and Cream?
I tut, pittyingly, at the woman in the queue behind me in Sainsbury as she talks loudly (on the phone, obv) to her friend about the tennis.
Laura Robinson has been knocked out you know.
No, I didn’t know.
But there is one thing that I can guarantee as a result of this earth-shattering piece of news; tomorrow the newspapers will publish a number of photographs of the young Laura Robinson in her very short skirt and neither the media publishers nor their readers will feel the least bit hypocritical when, the next time it occurs, a so-called ‘sex pervert’ is outed for having sex with a 15-year-old girl.
And it’s not just the tabloids, look at this photograph from today’s Guardian:
And this photograph in today’s Guardian – I kid you not again – is of something that happened in July 1996!
Yes we all know that sex sells (newspapers), but not even sex can sell The World’s Most Boring Sport, surely?