Oh no, it’s started.

Wimbledon SW19, home of The Wombles and mecca to Very Many Boring People is seeing its annual influx of the near-terminally dull.

And hundreds – I kid you not, absolutely *hundreds* – of hours of television will be freely-given to this grunt-and-groan-and-slap-the-ball event that not even the addition of a new, all-singing, all-dancing sliding roof can elevate to a level slightly north of ‘tedious’.

What, I ask myself, have these tennis-watchers done so wrong in their former lives, to be inflicted with potential bouts of Cliff Richard and hideously overpriced Strawberries and Cream?

I tut, pittyingly, at the woman in the queue behind me in Sainsbury as she talks loudly (on the phone, obv) to her friend about the tennis.

Laura Robinson has been knocked out you know.

No, I didn’t know.

But there is one thing that I can guarantee as a result of this earth-shattering piece of news; tomorrow the newspapers will publish a number of photographs of the young Laura Robinson in her very short skirt and neither the media publishers nor their readers will feel the least bit hypocritical when, the next time it occurs, a so-called ‘sex pervert’ is outed for having sex with a 15-year-old girl.

And it’s not just the tabloids, look at this photograph from today’s Guardian:


And this photograph in today’s Guardian – I kid you not again – is of something that happened in July 1996!

Yes we all know that sex sells (newspapers), but not even sex can sell The World’s Most Boring Sport, surely?

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8 Responses to Yawn

  1. Caroline says:



    I was brought up watching Wimbledon in the summer holidays with my grandmother. There was always a copy of the Daily Telegraph folded to the day’s order of play and Marmite and lettuce sandwiches (brown bread, crusts off) for tea.

  2. Aww, c’mon, give us tennis lovers a break. It’s just two weeks of the year. And there are many other channels to watch.

    Or you could read a book; ride a horse; do a podcast, write a review; shag the wife.

    And if you’re looking for boring televised sports, there are many more that fit the bill better than tennis: golf; cricket; fishing and darts… to name but four.

    Oh, and I think you’ll find it’s Laura Robson.

    “Come on Murray!”

  3. S Le says:

    It wasn’t boring THAT day!

  4. Vicola says:

    Hurrah, someone else who feels the same way as me about tennis. I got a proper lecture from the mother in law when I denounced tennis as dull and she nearly set fire to my head when I described Andy Murray as looking like a giraffe on steroids with the personality of boiled cabbage. It’s a ball going backwards and forwards for literally hours on end. How can that possibly be interesting? And I don’t care what anyone says, Roger Federers logo-covered blazers and cardigans look bloody ridiculous.

  5. 1996?? funny, but i had no interest in visiting The Championships until i saw your illuminating post! 🙂

    i did prefer Wimbledon when it was ‘topless’ 😉

    i guess it can??


  6. Walter Mitty says:

    Er surely if you are outed having sex with a 15 year old you are most definately a pervert as opposed to being a ‘so called pervert’?

  7. Sally says:

    Brennig – how can you say that tennis is boring?! Last year’s final Federer (swoon!) vs Nadal was one of the most exciting things I’ve ever seen!

  8. Walter Mitty says:

    Yeh ,and then there’s show jumping.