I am cooking

I am cooking. In the kitchen, obv.

In fact I’ve just twittered that, with an accompanying photo. Because I’m weird. Obv.

Soph has declined my offer of cooked food. She is either clairvoyant or mad – because there is no middle ground with my cooking. It is either absolutely bloody brilliant or it is shit.

Tonight’s effort smells, I have to admit, of absolutely bloody brilliance.

However.

A short span of time passes…

I am no longer cooking. I am also no longer in the kitchen. My appetisingly-smellingly meal is cooling next to me.

I am in the lounge, on the couch (not the ouch, as I first typed. That’s something completely different of which we shall never speak here).

There is an episode of Friends on the TV.

It is approximately 18 years old. The episode of Friends, not the TV. The TV is less than four months old.

Has humanity not witnessed enough suffering?

Must the TV companies continue to inflict the third-rate comedy, made marginally amusing only by virtue of the canned and all-too-fake laughter, on us?

Do we have to endure this sadly dated and socially irrelevant garbage for much longer?

If I write to my MP asking him to put a Bill before the House to remove this (and I hesitate to use the word) ‘entertainment’ from our screens will he thank me for stating the blindingly obvious?

Another short span of time passes…

Did you know there’s a character in Glee with the name ‘Sandy Ryerson’? And did you know that he’s played by the same actor (Stephen Tobolowsky) who played the character ‘Ned Ryerson’ in Groundhog Day?

Did you?

Did you also know that Buffaloes don’t actually have wings?

And while I’m pointing out strangely true but ridiculous things…

Did you know that the leader of one of the worst sects ever – the Roman Catholic Church – who goes under an assumed name of Pope Benedict XVI, has called on his ‘followers’ to fight the Equality Bill that is currently going through Parliament.

His reason for encouraging his minions to take a public stance against the bill?

Because (and I quote) ‘In some respects it actually violates the natural law upon which the equality of all human beings is grounded and by which it is guaranteed’.

Don’t believe me? Source.

So this guy wants his sect to be exempt from equality legislation whilst proclaiming that his sect doesn’t discriminate, when it plainly does? How deliciously oxymoronic!

And what a total twat.

The sooner *all* of these nutcase sects are stripped of *any* exemption from equality legislation, the better; they’re all as bad as each other.

Dinosaurs.

Anyway, getting back on to my original track…

Cooking for one – which I have done this evening, because Soph was on lates – is such a pain in the arse, isn’t it?

So how – if you do it – do you do it?

‘Cos for me, cooking for one is a chore – and one best avoided through the dubious application of junk food.

But I don’t *want* to eat junk food, I want to eat the good shit.

So how do you do it? Huh?

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16 Responses to I am cooking

  1. punctuation says:

    More to the point – did you know it’s *actually* Groundhog day tomorrow?

    More to the point – did you know it’s *actually* Groundhog day tomorrow?

    (See what I did there?)

    p.s. It really IS Groundhog day tomorrow. Honest. Cross my heart and hope to see my shadow.

  2. Brennig says:

    Punct: Thanks for the info. Soph and I are now discussing watching Groundhog Day tomorrow, in honour of it actually being actual Groundhog Day. Actually.

  3. Daniel says:

    I did know the Ryerson thing, and I did know about Groundhog day – I even have a tweet scheduled for 6am tomorrow to mark the event!

  4. Brennig says:

    Daniel: You are magnificent and slightly weird in equal measures. Be proud!

  5. Daniel says:

    I suspect the balance isn’t as even as you suggest, but thanks 😉

  6. Masher says:

    Cooking? I didn’t get married so I could do my own cooking!

    But yes: sometimes I do have to fend for myself, in which case, I am quite prepared to slave over a hot microwave for five minutes.

    Piercing film lids is a particular culinary speciality of mine.

  7. I always fend for myself…it’s rubbish. If I can be bothered I’ll push myself to make a stir fry; lasagne or a chili con carne – something which I can save and have some again the next day.

    Otherwise, it’s sandwiches/beans on toast/pasta (not all in the one dish), or something equally as thrilling.

  8. Hilary Usfun says:

    don’t watch Groundhog day! Simply remember it in its faded glory…

    I like cooking for whoever is around, but blue cheese pasta is a particular favourite solo meal…

  9. Sally says:

    Masher: Oi! (Poor Mrs M — give the poor woman a break!)

    Brennig: I agree – The Pope is a total idiot. And, you know what? I have never watched an episode of Friends!

  10. Vicola says:

    I cook most nights and the way to do it is to find stuff that takes minimal effort. For example cottage pie – fry some mince and onions, chuck in cooked carrots and gravy and a crumbled stock cube. Stick in ovenproof dish and top with sliced cooked potatoes. Stick whole lot in oven for 45 mins till potatoes crispy. Effort minimal but great result. Also cooked bits of chicken with dolmio stir in sundried tomato sauce in pitta breads with salad. Preparation time about 10 -15 minutes. I’ve got loads….

  11. Susie says:

    What was it you cooked, Brennig?

    Sardines on toast are good. With a generous splash of balsamic vinegar and plenty of black pepper.

  12. Brennig says:

    Masher, that’s one view on the need to get married… 🙂

    CS, yeah, that’s my style too (sans meat)

    Hils, we watched it, we loved it, we had in-depth conversations about the plot.

    Sally, all I can do is underline what you’ve said.

    Vicola, nice ideas

    Susie, no meat nor fish for me.

  13. Gumpher says:

    Oh yes, the Pope hate the gays, unless of course they happen to be priests bumming Irish kids, in which case it’s fine.

    I go through phases with cooking, at the mo’ I’m cooking a lot.
    I rarely have to cook for just me, but if I do I usually chuck a salad with a bit of grilled fish together, rather than actually cook.

  14. Masher says:

    No meat? are you sure, Brennig?
    I’m sure you commented the other day that you’d eaten beaver.

    Oh. I see.

    Sorry.

  15. Susie says:

    So you really are a vegetarian. I thought you were kidding. Well, for quick and easy, you can’t beat pasta. With a slurp of garlic oil and a sprinkle of Parmesan and black pepper, and a handful of young green beans or salad on the side. Ten minutes max. from start to plate.

    Or stir an egg or two into a pan of hot ratatouille until the egg scrambles. Tinned or frozen rat is OK. 5 minutes.

  16. punctuation says:

    “So you really are a vegetarian. I thought you were kidding” – lol.