I am a slut

Some might unkindly think ‘So what’s new?’ but bear with me for a moment

It’s Sunday afternoon, 13.15 of the clock.

I should be down in Gloucestershire having teamed up with Vin and collectively wowed the folks down there with what he and I amusingly (in a sometimes ironic kind of way) call ‘dressage’.

Sometimes what he and I perform bears little relation to the definitions everyone else in the sport have, other times we’re pretty damn good. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground with Vin and me; we’re either a pair of contenders or we’re the comedy turn.

But today we are neither the pretty damn good nor the ‘Oh my God Laura, what are those two clowns up to’ variety.

Rain stopped play.

Actually, that’s dishonest.

Hartpury has a beautiful indoor arena that would not be out of place in an Olympic venue.

Rain sapped enthusiasm might be a better description.

So while I am occupied with non-dressage fripperies Vin is free to lounge about in his field with his buddies while I try out…


I’m still in my bathrobe – I have the house to myself (why do I want to add ‘Oh yes’ in a Wayne’s World voice?).

There’s something on the television but the sound is off; it seems to have a very young Denzel Washington in it though.

I’ve just put a book down for a few minutes while I collect my thoughts.

I’m listening to some talking heads on Radio Four’s Any Questions.

One of the politicians makes me want to reach for my hammer and smash the laptop to bits every time he fails to answer a question, but that would be foolish so I fight the urge. It’s touch and go though.

Why are you alone, I hear you ask. (I did hear that, didn’t I?)

I am alone because the Lovely S and The Lovely Aussie Sammi have gone to Chav Central, sorry, England’s fine medieval city of Worcester, to experience the complete and utter hell that is the Worcester Christmas Fair. Or is it Fayre? Or Fare?

I declined the offer to accompany them because, erm, I’ve got a bone in my leg and, umm, the housing market worries me and, ahem…


This morning I have finished reading A Tale Etched in Blood and Hard Black Pencil by the erratic but usually brilliant Christopher Brookmyre.

This really isn’t one of his better works.

But it is undeniably clever. And in parts excellently written and, as always, shows excellent examples of life through scathing observation.It’s his most Glasgae work to date – so much so that there’s a glossary in the back so those who haven’t worked things out can look up words like ‘Bampot’ (brilliantly translated to ‘A person of combustible nature’).

I have also, this morning, picked up, restarted and made significant inroads to Wide Sargasso Sea.

Yeah, not my choice, it’s a text.

And that’s why at (checks watch) 13.30 on Sunday afternoon I’m still in my bathrobe. With a cup of hours-old tea on the worktop. And the lorry parked around the corner (yeah, sorry about that Bromsgrove).

Apart from the onslaught of slutty slovenliness I’m feeling pretty good. Considering.

Dreadfully tired.

But apart from that, not too bad.

Yesterday I cleaned out B’s stable and packed his rugs and tack away. It broke my heart all over again.

Pauses while wondering why Denzel Washington has suddenly turned in to the fat queen of all that is chavness who is currently bombarding the hapless people of this country with wall-to-wall adverts urging us to buy Iceland’s substandard food products. Yes that’s right, it’s another attempt by the corporate beast to brainwash us all that cheap and nasty really isn’t so bad after all. Realises he’s accidentally changed channels but decides to stick with C4 because a trailer has just announced that The Simpsons is on next. Woo-hoo!

Did I mention that I’m dreadfully tired?

I should have a shower.

I should fix myself something to eat (there’s half a ton of Chinese food that we rescued from China City last night in the fridge).

I should tidy up and heat my tea.

I should get dressed.

But then I wouldn’t be a slovenly slut.

And today I just can’t be arsed.


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13 Responses to I am a slut

  1. Ginny says:


    Don’t worry, Bren my dear. I’ve been ill this weekend and have, therefore, not gotten changed since Friday night.

    I have been wearing the bra, PJ bottoms and baggy “Wales” t-shirt all weekend. And gone knickerless.

    You can’t get much more slutty than that.

  2. Brennig says:

    I know what you mean.

    I’ve been wearing the bra and gone knickerless all weekend too.

  3. Ginny says:

    Woot-woot for going knickerless! Sometimes ya just need a bra from all that lace and stuff, don’t you agree? -P

  4. Citronella says:

    What with my back hurting and the only comfortable position being lying on my back with my knee bent, I’ve played the beached whale all week-end.

    But I have changed from time to time, once in order to go to the store (and really, except for the emptiness of the fridge, I wouldn’t have taken the trouble), and once more this morning, mainly because I couldn’t be bothered to pick up my jeans from the floor.

    This December month has a shitty start, to say the least.

  5. Jeff (lately of THT) says:

    Brennig my old china ! How are you.

  6. Brennig says:

    This conversation continued elsewhere!

  7. Mel says:

    Hi Brennig I thought I was bad, staying in my dressing gown till 12md on Saturday. But managed to finished TMA 3, yey! Probably awful but thought if I didn’t send it I would fiddle too much. How’s yours coming? You must be too organised to be reading Wide Segasso Sea now, I bought it but stayed in the bag, read Medea though, ooh that’s the stuff of nightmares, very grim!! Really sorry about your horse, my 8 year old rides and her favourite pony had to be put to sleep recently and she was gutted. Good luck with TMA 3. Mel

  8. Louise says:

    Have just finished part 1 of tma 3 and now see the sense in doing part 2 first! Would have been much better to do it straight after study week 5 … will concentrate on my strategy for the next tma, they won’t catch me out again!
    I hope you are feeling ok.

  9. Mel says:

    Hi all, yes it is easier to do Part 2 first. The only reason I did was because we had a tutorial along similar lines, so while it was fresh in my head. But I was so glad I did it that way because it makes part 1 seem so small.
    Yes, Brennig I have had the same problem emalling my tutor just before TMA 2 needed handing in, she said problems with email but it didn’t help me that much.
    I am now sooo looking forward to reading Wide segasso sea! History seems interesting but only 3 pages in.
    Good luck with writing up everyone. Mel

  10. Mya says:

    Oooh you slut!

    My husband has a terrible fear of anything with the words ‘craft’ or ‘fayre’ or ‘corn dolly’ or ‘hand tooled’ – actually, I made that last one up – but you get my drift. He’d rather have his toenails pliared than attend anything like that – unless of course it was topless, or there were lots of exciting cars there and a free beer tent.
    So, Wide Sargasso Sea – is that your tip for search queries? Man Reading wasn’t that great for me – I think I must have missed the boat a bit. One testicle was a winner, though.

    Mya x

  11. Brennig says:

    Hiya Mel.

    My TMA03 remains undone but I have reams of notes which – when I get organised enough to do something with – will form the basis of parts 1 and 2.

    I got a tip today – do part 2 first. I don’t know if that works, I’m just passing the tip onwards.

    I’m still reading Wide Sargasso Sea. It’s awful. One of the worst books I’ve had to read. Medea is next on the reading list. Well, next-ish.

    And here’s a thing to ask… I emailed my tutor last week – a week ago today – and have had no response at all.

    Would you say this is normal, in your experience?

  12. Brennig says:

    Mya: You see, the words “hand tooled” make me grin for some reason… lol.

    Stats? Right then, I’ll give you the Golden Bullet. You need this:
    A103 TMA03 Part 1:
    How does the design of the Colosseum relate to its public function and to its symbolic meaning?

    A103 TMA03 Part 2:
    What attitudes towards the Roman games did the ancient writers express? How would you account for the differences and similarities between these attitudes?

    Good hunting!

  13. Brennig says:

    A public answer to a private email from a non-broadband internet user…

    Should the podcast go in to detailed discussion of OU-related activities, it would be reflected in the podcast notes. I hope that deals with your question?