Brennig Jones (and friends)

Lists!

Lists!

Lists!

Skin = EVIL

Must must *must* be good and wash and cleanse and tea-tree oil it up EVERY night.

Teeth.

Must must must put on mouthguard before bed.  But after cleaning teeth.

But not before sex.  That’s not right.  Unless you are slightly kinky.

Remember (remember, remember, remember…FAME! I wanna live forever…)

Sorry, distracted then…

<time passes>

Oh no!  I have actually forgotten what I was going to tell myself to remember.

That sucks.

Having long nails and unchewed skin around the fingers = GOOD.

Oh yes, remember that you always feel great when you’ve had a gym session.

Ignore the premonition that you will ache tomorrow and forget the immediate post-gym high.

Don’t eat everything.

You don’t have to read everything.

Everything should be removed from your vocabulary.

No, let me make that more grammatically correct:

The word ‘everything’ should be removed from your vocabulary.

Eating to excess = NOT GOOD.

Remember what the guru of all things, Mr Paul McKenna, says:

1)    Eat when you are hungry (ridiculous – I am always hungry – but remember, Paul knows that you will scoff and say such a thing, and he will tell you to learn to recognise what you body is telling you – are you hungry?  Really?  Well then, eat.  But if you just feel like shit, go do something else instead – like the 80s kids TV show ‘Why Don’t You’ advised).

2)    Eat what you want, not what you think you should (ridiculous – I will always want chocolate, cake and chips and not vegetables or fruit – but remember what Paul says? He knows that you will say that, and he quotes some 1950s experiment at you where lots of children were left to look after themselves with all types of foods available, and over the test period ate a balanced diet.)

3)    Enjoy every mouthful of food that you eat (ridiculous – do you know how stupid I look chewing everything slowly – and have you ever tried to chew porridge?? Seriously, it’s like rolling sick around in your mouth. Yeah yeah, “Paul says”…I know it works, but who has time to chew ffs?? Oh. Most people? Rightio).

4)    When you think you are full, stop eating (ridiculous – I want to finish that pricy meal my husband has splashed out on…and what about the starving children in Africa? Oh, right.  They won’t be eating my leftovers either.  OK, I’ll try.  But it won’t be easy – I was always taught to ‘clear the plate’ because then I’d get pudding…and I wonder why I have food issues…?!)

Anyway, that’s enough of this brain dumpage.

I really *really* need a wee now.