Why is buying toilet paper so traumatic?
The local supermarket has an entire aisle dedicated to bottom-wiping materiel.
So why is it nigh on impossible to get the right product – and thereafter be consistent with our future purchases?
There’s the ‘wafer thin’ product in various colours. It’s cheap, cheerful and if you happen to have fingers, dangerous product. No matter how many times one does the foldage, Mr Finger-Pokey plays a game of bottom-related Russian Roulette that’s too ‘eeeew‘ to mention!
There’s the contoured type product – also available in various colours. It’s slightly pricier, has an air of middle-class seriousness about it and is, frankly, a little too thick, just a touch too inflexible to get in there and get to ever corner of that very important little place.
There are the ‘foreign’ brands. And we don’t trust Johnny Foreigner and his fancy bottom-cleansing products do we? No matter how competitively priced. And no matter how suitable they are!
Well actually we do.
This time we’ve gone for a French-flavoured bum cleanser (backed by a family-sized packet of wet wipes, natch) which is soft, strong, very very long (like the Andrex dog. I always thought that was weird. Having a dog that was soft, strong and very very long) but, unlike the Andrex thing, isn’t covered in dog hair and is the right combination of firm yet flexible and isn’t dangerously near the fingertip limit.
Is life supposed to be this complicated, or is it just me?
That’ll be me then.