Death by old lady

I nipped in to Sainsbury in Witney this afternoon, to do a little food shopping:

  • Pringles (prawn cocktail)
  • Cereal
  • Baking potatoes
  • Tinned potatoes
  • Vegetables
  • Chocolate
  • Baked beans
  • Bread
  • etc…

That was one basket – which was just as well, because that’s what I was carrying the shopping in!

Almost all of the checkout queues were long, but the line at the ‘Baskets Only’ register was only three people deep.

I took my place in the line.

The old lady who came in to the line behind me hit me with her shopping trolley.

I glared at her, checked the sign hanging above the cash register that said ‘Baskets Only’, glared at her again and took a half-pace forward.

She moved forward a half pace and hit me with her trolley again.

I said ‘What the fucking hell do you think you’re playing at, you stupid old cow? And can’t you read?’

I couldn’t move any further forward, I moved slightly sideways instead.

She pushed the trolley forward and would have hit me with it again but I put my hand on it and pushed it back at her.

She backed off.

While she was giving me the cold and frosty eyes, I pointedly looked at the ‘Baskets Only’ sign, then looked down at her chosen weapon.

It was lost on her.

After a few minutes I moved forward, put my basket on the ledge and began unpacking what was in it, moving the shopping on to the conveyor belt.

And she hit me with her trolley again.

I picked up the tin of potatoes, half-turned and hurled them straight at her head. She fell to the floor with a dull ‘thud’, sounding just like a large melon hitting the tiles.

Fortunately I was able to move forwards again, and wait for my shopping as it was scanned.

I packed the shopping and paid for it.

R – e – a – l – l – y – r – e – a – l – l – y – s – l – o – w – l – y.

She was giving me the frosty glare.

I actually laughed at her.

But that’s relatively harmless, right?

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9 Responses to Death by old lady

  1. IanB says:

    The correct response to her would be: “I assume you’re no longer allowed to drive”.

  2. Paula says:

    Oh my god! Stupid cow. That would have done my tits in!

    And see the things you’ve scored out? I probably would have done them…

  3. Gumpher says:

    There’s a commonly held theory that it is the ‘yoof’ of today who are ill mannered.

    I disagree.

    I find people of above pensionable age to be incredibly rude, and the supermarket seems to bring out the worst in them.

    I have been the victim of a trolley anal probe from a coffin dodger many times.

  4. Perpetual says:

    It is one rule for them and one rule for everyone else.

    I do hope that she had sherry, ovaltine and other idiosyncratically old lady things in her trolley.

  5. Vicola says:

    Good work Brennig, show the vile old harridan who’s boss. Old people can be exceedingly rude and seem to think that being as old as the hills gives them the divine right to do whatever they like. Bet she parked across two spaces in the car park as well.

  6. Sally says:

    I would have said something, I’m afraid. Probably why I ended up getting beaten up in Sainsbury’s once. (Yes, really! … I should blog about it one day).

  7. I laughed so much, the dog (who was comfily curled up on my lap), got up and moved, giving me a bit of a look in the process.

  8. Elle says:

    I probably would have said something, like ‘do you mind?’ And I’ve done so in the past. People can be so, so rude!

    (I’ve just discovered your blog and love it!)

  9. Brennig says:

    Ian B, I think you win the prize for the Best Diplomatic Response.

    Paula, You’ve mentioned ‘tits’. I need to go and lie down now.

    Gumpher, I agree. What is it with people who must have been children ‘when times were harder and stern discipline was routine’ that they have become such ill-mannered, badly behaved louts?

    Perp, ISTR she just had normal foodstuff. Boo!

    V, I bet she parked in a disabled space!

    Sally, Hello! Welcome back from wherever you’ve been. And yes, you really do need to blog about it one day!

    Lis, Please apologise to the dog on my behalf.

    Elle, Hello and welcome. Thanks for visiting. x