Poxy bloody wanking fucking awful drivers

I was going to blow off steam.

You really wouldn’t believe the standard of driving I saw on the way to the yard this evening.

The girl in the Golf in front of me who – for six miles – spent the entire time texting.

At 60 miles an hour.

The lorry drivers (four of them) who blocked the M5 for eighteen miles by playing leap-frog in the first overtaking lane.

The thirty-eight car and van drivers I encountered who remain blissfully unaware that the middle lane is now officially designated ‘the first overtaking lane’ – and when you’ve overtaking you have a legal obligation to pull in to the left-hand lane, you dozy fucking wankheads.

I’ll admit I was also frustrated by a half-hour holdup when the M5 was closed because the driver of a Ford Focus decided to introduce his car to a bridge support in the middle section of the motorway at close to 70mph.

The policeman I spoke to confirmed – as the rubber marks clearly indicated – that no other vehicle was involved.

So it’s likely the driver either fell asleep or was also doing the text thing – or perhaps playing with their satnav.

I realise that the standard of driving in the UK is better than it is in some other European countries.

But we’re in danger of labouring under delusions of adequacy.

And we’re not adequate.

The standard of driving in the UK today is absolutely awful.

We need compulsory retests every two years.

We need IQ tests – without which the candidates don’t get even a provisional licence.

We need common sense tests – as above.

And we need penalties which keep people who are caught breaking motoring laws off the bloody roads.

Hanging about waiting for people to drive their cars in to motorway pillars isn’t good enough.

Yes the gene pool needs thinning out, but let’s keep these people off the roads in the first place – they could end up injuring or killing some poor innocent person.


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6 Responses to Poxy bloody wanking fucking awful drivers

  1. Dudius says:

    Speaking as an Ex Driving Instructor, I would echo your call for compulsory retests.
    Despite what many think, most instructors do not “teach people to pass the test.” Any decent instructor (and of course, there are a few bad eggs) will be thinking that the person they are teaching at the moment will be driving towards them someday. Unfortunately, even during my relatively short time in the job (about 4 years), I noticed an attitude shift in the youngsters. At some point, driving became a “right”, rather than a privilege, most probably due to the sporty little number they had sitting in the driveway at home, and the test was just something to “get through.” Now I’m not naive enough to think that this wasn’t always the case, but there was a definite, almost tangible, change of expectations. I’m not sure exactly what the answer should be, but retests are certainly a start.

    As for your IQ test idea: Genius. I would argue that the inability to string a sentence together might prove a hindrance to one faced with an evolving traffic situation, due to the lack of higher brain function. On a good day, I could usually extract a “yeh” or a “neh” from the young male learners, but I marked these down on the calendar. 😉

  2. Susie says:

    Oh, from the title I thought you must be referring to French drivers, who have to be the rudest and least competent in the world. I used to think driving in Mombasa was an ordeal, but that was before I began driving in France.

  3. Merry says:

    Worse than driving in Boston?

  4. Lis of the North says:

    A man truly after my own heart. When I become supreme world leader I’m confiscating everyone’s driving licence and if people want their’s back, I’m the test inspector!
    Failure to:
    indicate on roundabouts,
    lane-position correctly,
    stay awake at the sodding lights
    will result in immediate vaporisation of the offending single-celled organism using my patented crap driver vaporiser (TM).
    Whaddya reckon?

    Susie, I too drive in France and it’s not nice, is it?

  5. Brennig says:

    Hi Merry and welcome. Yup – although I haven’t driven in Boston, Lincolnshire for a couple of years. Mind you, I haven’t driven in Boston, Mass for ten years or so. But worse than either of those places!

    Hi Lis! [waves like a loon] I’m with you. Between the two of us we’ll soon have ’em sorted. Did you know that in Germany, if a candidate commits an error during their test the examiner tells the candidate to stop the car, gets out and walks away (the candidate’s instructor is required to accompany the candidate on the test)? So it’s a bit of a slap in the face to both instructor and candidate.

  6. I enjoyed your writing style and I’ve added you to my Reader. Keep these posts coming.