When is a parked car not a parked car?

Don’t you just hate inconsiderate bastard parkers?

You know the sort.

They’re the ones who are either so completely stuffed up their own arse, that they don’t think about anyone else.

Or they do think about other people, but only to laugh and scorn at them, as they park their car in a completely fucking unacceptable manner.

These are good questions; questions that a joint academic/medical research facility should investigate.

For this study’s first case, I would like to suggest we have a look inside the brain of the owner of the Mercedes, registration number D18 LJR.

The stunning example of selfish parking, perpetrated on the British public by D18 LJR that we have captured took place on Saturday 24th September 2011, at Llanthony Priory, at the foothills of the Black Mountains in Wales.

Here is our evidence:

D18 LJR (click through for large photo)

 

The poor owner/driver of the Peugeot was totally hemmed in. My car (out of shot, but next to the Peugeot) was equally jammed in.

Three-quarters of an hour – 45 minutes – that’s how long I had to wait for the selfish fucker who, obviously, can afford a private registration number, but can’t afford to consider any other person on the face of the planet.

Quality parking there, from D18 LJR.

Such a shame you’re a total knob.

On behalf of the rest of mankind, I’d just like to tell you that you shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a dodgem, let alone a car out on the road.

 

14 thoughts on “When is a parked car not a parked car?

  1. Like, in manner of FB.
    Today I saw someone driving with their child on their lap. Am not joking. Child abuse, just without the beatings/neglect/kiddy-fiddling.

    1. Bloody holy hell on a bicycle and back. That just means, surely, they don’t want the little perisher to survive? (rhet)

  2. Sir,

    I hope that once again, you are not trying to tar us all with the same ‘bad driver’ brush.

    I – like so many of my friends – go to great lengths to always park considerately and I will only block someone’s car in if I cannot find a suitable parking space nearby, that suits me and doesn’t mean I need to walk too far. This is – of course – quite reasonable behaviour, I’m sure you can see.

    I am also intrigued that, in your article, you obviously plan to name and shame the owner of the vehicle, by mentioning his number plate several times. And yet each time, you’ve actually written it down wrong. As you normally have such a keen eye for accuracy when presenting facts, I can only presume this was intentional on your part.

    Rather like that of the owner of the Audi.

    Yours sincerely
    Col(Comm) Malcolm D Ashburn RN & BAR & DSO apparently (9 points)

    1. Dear A Driver. Or can I call you A? Thanks for the tip about the number. I obviously had my left and right contacts in the wrong eyes.

  3. Bren, it’s a Merc, not an Audi, but it’s one of those strange six seater R class thingies which only odd people drive.

    My sis lives about three miles from there, when she opens the back door, she can’t see another living thing. Glorious isolation. Bugger to get the car up the drive, particularly when I had a Merc!

    1. Oh crap. It is, of course, a Merc. I shall make the change immediately. That area is my old stamping ground – schoolboy days.

  4. I used to carry a pack of stickers around with me that had ‘nice parking asshole’ printed on them. They were a birthday present from someone who clearly knows what a grumpy cow I am. They had that really evil glue on the back that means when you try and peel it off, the sticker shreds and leaves a nasty mess. I suggest you acquire yourself a pack for just such ridiculous situations as the Mercedes Moron. Although you are of course forgetting the universal law of motoring – rules of courtesy do not apply to anyone in a Merc or a Beamer.

  5. Once, I returned a library book. Bad idea.
    The library was closed, mine was the only car in the entire parking lot. Some asshat still thought it was a good idea to double park behind me, blocking my car completely while he ambled up to the book return as I was coming back to my car.
    Sadly, I did not have an Uzi with me.

  6. Brennig,

    As a traveller, you know what it’s like in Italy – at least in the south. No one straps in, people drive with children on their laps, on the package shelf, hanging out the windows and standing up on any seat in the car.

    Parking? Forget it. Double, triple, in a traffic lane, on the sidewalk, behind you, in front of you, on the lawn or anywhere else that has an inch or two extra..

    WRT the car make and tag, a common saying in the colonies is, “I was so mad I couldn’t see straight.”

    Not an attmpt at one-upsmanship – just fact.

Comments are closed.