Getting mad. And getting even?

It is *checks watch* 3.30pm, but I’m going to publish this post on a time-release.

I have spent the last hour in tears. It feels as though I have nothing left, no future, nothing to carry on for.

I am now angry at my childish naivety; that I let this woman almost destroy my life with her first affair, and forgave her and rebuilt our lives together, so she could have another go at ripping everything away from me.

Her first affair was bad enough, but the things she has done to me this time, coupled with the brutal manner she has done them, have killed me.

I have gone back over the secret blog and edited the entries to include the names of the people she’s been fucking and/or fucking about with.

I don’t know what’s left for me. I don’t see any future, just bleakness.

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7 Responses to Getting mad. And getting even?

  1. Claire says:

    Flowerpot, don’t run yourself down. It’s not naivety. It’s trust. And while sometimes trust can be broken, that isnt the fault of the person who offers it willingly.

    I know you’re angry, and it’s another stage of the process, possibly one you will need to return to. But trust, faith and hope isn’t always illjudged or unfounded. It’s just a foundation. Don’t berate yourself for trying to build on it xx

  2. Dramb says:

    At least the podcasts better without her.

  3. Keep your chin up Bren, hope you’re ok.

    • Brennig says:

      Dying inside, Cyn. But thanks for the words. I hope things are good with you, down under?

  4. Vicola says:

    Possibly working backwards through the blog wasn’t one of my better ideas, should have started from the last entry I read and worked forwards. Damn.

    I’m sorry you find yourself in this position. It’s not stupidity, I took back someone who cheated only to find they did it again as well. It wasn’t as long a relationship as yours, granted, but I was still hurt, humiliated and angry. Sometimes you want something to work so badly that you’re willing to suspend common sense and cynicism for the sake of it. Sometimes it works, a friend of mine took back her husband after a girl turned up with his 18 month old son 4 years into their relationship and it’s worked. For me it didn’t and for you it didn’t either. It’s shit. I don’t have anything more profound than that I’m afraid, it’s shit and it hurts and it leaves you empty. But it will get less bad and you’ll mend. You’ll be a bit older, a bit more cynical and a bit less trusting but you’ll mend. Even if it feels like the end of the world right now. xxx