Jordan can’t ride

Look people, can we just get one thing straight? All of the stories in the media about ‘celebrity’ Jordan (aka Katie Price) aiming for a place on the British Olympic Dressage Team is, sadly, complete and utter bullshit.

If you believe it, you’re being had.

There have been stories circulating on the internet that she and her husband are putting out these stories to:

a. keep her name ‘in the news’ and

b. revive her ‘pony’ book-sales.

I don’t mean to be unkind to Jordan, I’m sure she’s a lovely person, but there’s just one significant and inescapable fact.

She can’t ride.

Oh sure, she can ‘stick on’ but her legs are shocking (why the fuck does she wear spurs when she can’t keep her feet still?!) in their inconsistency, she can barely trot, her seat is adequate but her hands are completely disastrous, she’s rigid through her back to her neck, doesn’t flex her stomach and if she spends any more time looking down the horse’s shoulder she’s going to get lost. Oh yeah, and she collapses her hip.

I’m not being mean, I’m just being realistic.

Being able to spend £150,000 on a dressage horse doesn’t make the rider Olympic material, it makes the rider – in this case – a rich horse owner who can barely ride at Prelim level.

So come on, let’s forget the hype and bullshit.

Jordan, you’ve got a lovely horse, but the only way it’s going to get to Olympic level is in the hands of someone who can ride at that level. And that, unfortunately, will never be you.

Do us all a favour, eh?

Give it to someone who can get a tune out of it and find another way to promote your pony books.

Evidence for my views?

Want to see how a real Olympian does it? Look at the tune that the incomparable Anky gets out of her magic Bonfire!


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3 Responses to Jordan can’t ride

  1. Trixie says:

    It’s probably her boobs that makes her hip collapse! Poor horse having all that extra weight!

  2. Merry says:

    Thank you! Bad/Good videos like these are much more helpful than an instructor saying “You’re doing it wrong!” (As many instructors have said to me, alas.)

  3. abs says:

    what about her bloody trot diaganol!!! that is such as basic! she’s ruining a very nice horse! I have also seen images of her in magazines about showing her layed across her horses neck with tight reins pulling the poor horse’s back teeth out! i think she should sell the horse and get a nice cob to start with!