More alone than usual

Somehow it feels that I’m more alone than usual this week.

Yes, I’m in London but my house back home is empty. Sophie is also away this week. She’s at Aberystwyth on a week’s study course for her MSc.

That extra bit of distance between us, it’s added a slightly more melancholy flavour than usual to my week of being apart from her.


She’s either working her cute little bum off, or she’s being a student. If it’s the former… Awwww. If it’s the latter… [chews fingernails].

I’m keeping busy, it’s 22.55 and I’ve just finished work. Well yeah, I did have a break for tea around 19.30. Twenty minutes.

Since then I’ve written a UAT schedule and a draft plan for system testing.

And I’ve spoken to Daughter. We laughed. She soon hiccuped. I got the blame – go figure!

And an idea for a short story has occurred. I like it, but I can’t see a market for it. Perhaps I should just write it for fun and see where it takes me?

The trouble is that would take my writing away from Helicopter which is where it should be. Sigh.

I’m sitting here sipping cold tea listening to ATSBO – a piece of music I’ve fallen in love with in the last fortnight – thinking I should be doing something else.

I should be doing something more.

I should be doing something.

I know what this is.

This is not working with Vin; this is not working my arse off. This is being unfit and this is not getting any exercise.

It all changes in two weeks when we do The Move.

I feel it’s fair to do the Init Cap thing there; it is a phrase in its own right with a weight and magnitude behind it that is, somehow, more significant than any of the International moves I’ve done before. It is bigger than two words being side-by-side on this electronic piece of paper.

And I don’t know why. It just is.

I suppose it’s related to my own insecurities; natural enough really. And none of the other moves I’ve done had this new insecurity haunting me, following me around like a scary black shadow.

Tired.  So weary.


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3 Responses to More alone than usual

  1. Trixie says:

    Bren, really sounds like Sophie is studying hard! lol

  2. Brennig says:

    Aye. 🙂 From our texts and phone calls last night I was able to deduce that:

    a. telling the anecdote of how stuffed we felt on two bowls of Shreddies wasn’t as funny in the retelling as it was first time around and
    b. She is capable of hiding, over the phone, how much wine she has consumed!

    But it’s lovely to see her here and read her writing. And I’m not just saying that because I’m biased. Even though I may be. 🙂

  3. Soph says:

    Oh yeah – I’d forgotten about the telling of the Shreddies story.

    I’m sure I have more in my repertoire of totally inappropriate and unfunny and uninteresting anecdotes than a story about cereal.