Not a morning person

I’m guessing a certain amount of stuff here but one thing is for certain. She is not a morning person. Or maybe she is and this is her best feature. In which case… Be afraid, be very afraid.

The coach this morning is full.

The seats at the two tables on the lower deck were full-ish; two people seated at each table.

But – and I soooo hate this – the woman who was sitting in the window seat at one table had occupied the seat next to her. With her luggage – a rucksack sort of thing. Or maybe it was a very large handbag.

Kind of attractive in a mid-30s and knows it way but a definite steely ‘don’t fuck with me’ air about her.

You know the sort of person.

Had a completely successful sense of humour bypass at birth.

So I asked her to move her stuff so I could sit down.

Know what she did?

She pointed to a vacant seat at the other table, and said I could sit there instead.


I guess I could have told her to eat shit and die but the truth is I laughed and did as she asked.

And the coach filled up behind as more people got on.

Until the person five behind me in the queue asked the Divine Ms Grump to move her stuff so that she could sit down.

This time the coach was full and she had no option.


Every now and then I catch her eye – The Divine Ms Grump.

And I smile at her; actually it’s pretty much a slightly restrained full-on laugh.

Know what?

She doesn’t return the smile.

In fact she still looks as though (as Soph would say) she has a face like a slapped arse.

I really hope she isn’t a morning person and that this really is not the best side of her personality!

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9 Responses to Not a morning person

  1. Masher says:

    Ha! It’s just like being on the train again!

  2. Vicola says:

    Just think, some poor sod had to work with the foul tempered harridan for the rest of the day. You should have given her the full-watt smirk though, that would REALLY have pissed her off.

  3. Bulldog says:

    With petrol prices peaking in the U.S. (sotto voce – I know it’s not high to Brits, but bear with me, it is to us), I have been taking the bus for a couple of years.

    Until this year, it has been relatively empty – one person per seat, usually. Lately, it’s full.

    The bus I ride has two dolts who must be at least first cousins to the not-a-morning-person on your coach.

    Both sit in the aisle seat, place their bags in the window seat, become immediately buried in their books or iPODs, and ignore anyone else getting on.

    The object of their game is to force someone to ask them to move. Unspoken: “This is the last place you want to sit. Look elsewhere!”

    Gits. They’re everywhere.

  4. Brennig says:

    lol Vicola, you’re just wicked. But yeah, it really would have peed on her bonfire.

    Masher, she was just so… ‘fuck off and sit over there’ in her attitude. Smirk!! 🙂

  5. Sally says:

    What a horror!

    By the way, why do you take the coach rather than the train? (cost/ convenience/ journey time?).

    Just asking as I HATE coaches with a passion. (Due to being stuck on one for about 2 weeks once when I took the coach from London to Edinburgh. Or at leat it FELT like 2 weeks, anyway) 🙂

  6. Brennig says:

    Bulldog: For some reason I’m completely surprised! But in a way it’s nice to know that you have them too. 🙂

    Sally: The coach delivers me to the front door of my office. The train would deliver me to Paddington which would mean to get to work a further 40-minute scrum with one line change. Door-to-door they take the same time (motorway mishaps excepted). The bus has free WiFi, the train doesn’t. Cost isn’t a factor because the Chancellor of the Exchequer pays my travel but the bus is £53/week and the train is £100/week so I feel pious because I’m saving the Chancellor some money! 🙂

  7. danny rhymez and matty b says:

    fight fire with fire,
    the only language ignorant people understand is ignorance. Next time throw her bags on the floor spit on her and stamp on her left tit.

  8. Brennig says:

    Thanks for the advice chaps. I’ll bear it in mind; it’s certainly an attention-grabber. 🙂

  9. Perpetual says:

    The bus is only £53 a week???