Mission. Imp. Ossible.

I don’t want much.

Apart from intolerance to vanish.

And racist bastards to be put to death. And tax collectors. And politicians. And stupid people. And chavs

See?

I don’t want much.

I would like to see Daughter at Christmas; fun though our telephone conversations are, they’re not the same without her happy face in view.

I’m sitting here trying to plan a travel itinerary that would allow this to happen; have her come and spend a little quality time with her loving Dad.

The way it has happened in the past has been both complex yet simple:

1. Catch the morning EasyJet flight from Stansted to Almeria
2. Get met at Almeria by Daughter and Beastly
3. Daughter and me catch the evening Ryanair flight from Almeria to Stansted

And then, about a week later, do the whole thing in reverse except:

2. Get met at Almeria airport by Beastly who collects Daughter and sneers at me, in the ‘I’ve got a piece of shit on my shoes and an unpleasant smell up my nose’ manner that only exes can achieve.

I said ‘trying to plan’ because there are a couple of flies in the ointment (how apt to be able to use the word ‘fly’ in dual context at the same time!)

Fly #1: Ryanair, it seems, have stopped flying to Almeria. Bastards. This means that I must have an overnight stay in Almeria on both legs of the journey.

Fly #2: EasyJet have stopped flying from Stansted to Almeria. It’s now Gatwick. Gatwick, my friends, is completely the wrong side of London. This means that I’d have to get up at something really stupid O’Clock to catch the morning flight on both UK to Spain legs of the journey. And Daughter, believe me, is sooooo not the morning person that her loving Dad is! In fact, getting her out of bed for school is a continual battle of titanic proportions which one day she will win and then the world as we know it will cease to exist. Or something.

What would be brilliant and would make me happy and smiley and touchy and feely and stop me slaughtering innocents who happen to wander beneath my feet as I tread the gold-strewn pavements of Westminster is a simple solution:

1. I fly out on the EasyJet flight
2. I remain on the plane and Daughter walks through Departures with the other passengers
3. We do our initial kissing and hugging onboard
4. We both fly out on the returning EasyJet flight.

But that’s not allowed.

OK then, how about this:

1. I fly out on the EasyJet flight
2. I disembark with the passengers but with no luggage, go straight through customs, pick up Daughter in the departures lounge and…
3. We board the same (returning) EasyJet plane and fly ‘home’

Erm no. That’s not allowed either because check-in for departing flights closes before the flight has actually touched down, IYSWIM.

So that’s why I’m trying to book a travel itinerary. One that involves two overnight stays in Almeria and flights four flights from/to a British airport on the wrong side of London.

Fantastic. Absolutely fanbloodytastic.

B.

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6 Responses to Mission. Imp. Ossible.

  1. froggywoogie says:

    That plane thing sounds painful. I know what it is trying to catch up with little younger samples of ourselves when they are apart.

  2. Sally says:

    Sounds like a nightmare!

  3. Harry says:

    Hi Brennig that sounds like a tortuous exercise even though it will no doubt be made worthwhile by reunion with your daughter.

    Though couldn’t you, as a possible alternative, book with an airline that will allow for and look after children that travel on their own. I’m sure BA do this.

    I know these airlines won’t be as cheap as Easyjet but you would probably more than get your money back on not having to fly at all yourself.

  4. Perpetual says:

    Stanstead / Gatwick – I’m not sure which is the lesser of two evils. Is there nothing suitable from Bristol / Southampton / Birmingham?

  5. Brennig says:

    Hi Harry; it’s a good suggestion and one I’ve looked at in the past. The fly in the ointment is that no airline that operates that kind of unaccompanied child policy uses either Granada (nearest) or Almeria (second nearest) airport. BA does but they only fly in to Malaga and that’s a 7-hour round trip by car which Beastly isn’t going to accept.

    Perpetual; nope.

  6. Amanda says:

    I hope that you get something near what you wanted ;o)