You can run, Fearne Cotton, but you can’t hide

Talentless uberbimbo, BBC Radio One-presenting chav-in-chief, Fearne Cotton, has made one of the most ludicrous statements to the press.

Ms Cotton (let’s not forget she is related to Bill Cotton, the former Head of Light Entertainment at the BBC – who went on to become Managing Director of BBC Television), has claimed that people who point out her many shortcomings are – to use her own word – ‘bullies’.

It’s time to set the record straight, for the intellectually-challenged Ms Cotton. I’ll do this in the nicest, non-bullying way possible.

On this argument, Ms Cotton,  as on many other things, you are completely wrong and vapidly clueless.


It is not bullying to point out that someone is a talentless airhead.


It is also not bullying to point out that the BBC – Ms Cotton’s employer – has *never* published the listener figures for her radio show, whilst those of her predecessor were regularly published.



Similarly, it is not bullying to point out that as well as lacking a combination of fundamental industry knowledge, Ms Cotton also lacks talent; she is surviving on personality alone, ability continues to evade her with daily regularity.

The fact is, Ms Cotton, the BBC’s jubilee coverage was at its most best ‘lacklustre’ and at it’s most worst it was ‘dire’.

Please learn to accept criticism, Ms Cotton; it’s what makes us better people.

Or most of us, anyway.

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6 Responses to You can run, Fearne Cotton, but you can’t hide

  1. Vicola says:

    They are not ‘bullies’, they are merely people who are bored of seeing the level of stupid on tv cranked up to ‘implode’ level. She’s crap on the telly and crap on the radio, I always wondered how she managed to get so far and now I know, good old BBC nepotism. Her jubilee coverage was beyond dire, it reached new and previously unplumbed levels of dirge as she and Paloma Faith merrily plugged Paloma’s new album and talked about sick bags and jelly. It was like watching two toddlers playing in the garden.

  2. for a start, Fearne Cotton is one of te best DJ’s currently about. number two, she is one of the best DJ’s on radio 1. she is amazing and you’re all jelous of her success. and last but not least… FUCK YOU.

    • Brennig says:

      Thank you, Ewan, for your barely comprehensible, semi-literate response. I should imagine your parents and your schoolteachers are very proud of you.

  3. Number one, fearn cotton is one of the best DJ’s currently on the scene. Number 2, just because she is more successful than you and just cause you don’t think she deserves it doesn’t meean she actually doesn’t, she’s worked hard to be where she is today and you should all FUCK RIGHT OFF.

  4. Vicola says:

    Do you see what I mean about people who insist on using the apostrophe prior to ‘s’ for no reason? The plural of DJ, as in multiple DJs, does not require an apostrophe, as I have just proven. Number one, Fearne Cotton is not one of the best DJs currently on the scene, she’s an airheaded moron with all the intellectual depth and insight of a toilet roll. Number two, in my field she is not more successful than me. If you measure success in terms of cash she is more successful than me but then if you measure success in terms of cash then you are probably a prat. It’s not just us that don’t think Ms Cotton is much cop, if you read any of the reviews about the jubilee coverage I think you’ll find it’s a pretty widely held view. She might have worked hard but then so did Harold Shipman and I don’t think his contribution to his chosen profession was much cop either. That said, Harry didn’t just get his job because his dad was in charge of the NHS. Also, another technicality, as only two of us, Bren and me, have commented, it ought to be you should BOTH fuck right off’ not ‘you should ALL’. The implication of ‘all’ is more than two. You are Fearne Cotton and I claim my £5.

  5. yer im mark from grimsby and that fern lass looked me in a dark room then dangled me out a window with others now thats bulliying lol