Dear Midge,<\/p>\n
In 1984, when the world was a much more naive place, you and Bob launched ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ (DTKIC) on to the record-buying public.<\/p>\n
And we loved it.<\/p>\n
The production was crisp and smart.<\/p>\n
The performances were polished, and professional.<\/p>\n
You enlisted a team of awesome musicians to perform, and sing, on the single.<\/p>\n
The record-buying public ignored the single’s obvious structural shortcomings; they went out and bought it.<\/p>\n
The record sold in its millions (3.7 million copies, to be precise).<\/p>\n
But that wasn’t enough for you.<\/p>\n
In 1989 DTKIC was re-recorded with the ‘help’ of the Stock, Aitken, and Waterman production team.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, this time you chose to trawl for talent in the shallow end of the ability pool.<\/p>\n
Bros, D-Mob, Technotronic, The Pasadenas?<\/p>\n
Really, Midge, what were you thinking?<\/p>\n
Sadly the British public recognised the shameless rip-off values.<\/p>\n
Sales, this time, were down.<\/p>\n
In 2004, you released yet another version of DTKIC, and sales were even lower.<\/p>\n
Don’t get me wrong, Midge.<\/p>\n
Selling 1.7 million copies of any single is, by any measure, fantastic.<\/p>\n
But comparing the combined physical and download sales of 1.7 million (the 2004 version) against the original version’s, physical-only sales of 3.7 million copies should have been the end of this downward-spiralling exercise in mediocrity.<\/p>\n
However, 2014 rolled around, and the British public were once-again inflicted with DTKIC.<\/p>\n
Now here’s the thing, Midge.<\/p>\n
I really don’t care about the insipid nonsense performed by a watered-down selection of under-talented, here today\/gone tomorrow, musical non-entities whom you have chosen to perform the single.<\/p>\n
I also don’t care how much of a crap performance these people, who we won’t be able to remember next year, turn in.<\/p>\n
Really, I don’t.<\/p>\n
What I care about, Midge, is the shockingly awful, factual inaccuracy that is embedded in every release of DTKIC.<\/p>\n
You see, Midge, it’s very simple.<\/p>\n
Africa is not a country.<\/p>\n
Africa is a continent.<\/p>\n
Yes it is.<\/p>\n
Africa is a continent more than double the size of Europe (which isn’t a continent).<\/p>\n
And guess what, Midge?<\/p>\n
It actually snows in Africa every year.<\/p>\n
Every Bloody Year, Midge,<\/p>\n
It snows actual blizzards in Africa, Midge.<\/p>\n
Every year without fail.<\/p>\n
You know those 5cm of snowfall ‘winters’ we have in the UK?<\/p>\n
Parts of Africa measure their snowfall in metres, Midge.<\/p>\n
Snow.<\/p>\n
In metres.<\/p>\n
So how about, the next time you get another bunch of musical wasters in front of the microphone, you take the opportunity to update the lyrics?<\/p>\n
Yes, I know that the majority of those Africans who admit to being religious are Muslim (therefore the majority don’t give a helping of festive stuffing whether it actually is Christmas or not).<\/p>\n
But let’s get the glaringly obvious piece of Midge Ure ignorance that is embedded in DTKIC corrected, shall we?<\/p>\n
Because it is going to snow in Africa this Christmas, Midge.<\/p>\n
And next Christmas.<\/p>\n
And the Christmas after that.<\/p>\n
And after that.<\/p>\n
And after that.<\/p>\n
Let’s get this put right, shall we?<\/p>\n
Please?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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