{"id":12363,"date":"2018-02-08T19:02:42","date_gmt":"2018-02-08T19:02:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=12363"},"modified":"2021-01-20T13:28:53","modified_gmt":"2021-01-20T13:28:53","slug":"tea-a-drink-with-jam-and-bread","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=12363","title":{"rendered":"Blogathon: 8\/18"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m now going to prove that the phrase &#8216;tea, a drink with jam and bread&#8217; is a load of old tosh.<\/p>\n<p>A great deal has been written about tea, how to grow it, how to make it, and how to drink it.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately a great deal of that great deal is actually nothing more than a great deal of rubbish.<\/p>\n<p>I can remember, as a young boy, being taught how to make the correct cup of tea:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The correct amount of tea to spoon in to the pot<\/li>\n<li>The correct temperature for the water to pour<\/li>\n<li>The correct amount of boiled water to be poured on to the correct amount of tea<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"line-height: 1.5;\">The correct amount of time&#8230;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Well, you get the picture, right?<\/p>\n<p>Well today, my friend, I&#8217;m going to break the first rule of the tea club.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not going to teach you the *correct* way to make tea.<\/p>\n<p>Today I&#8217;m going to share with you how to make the *perfect* cup of tea; no correctness about it.<\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s begin by describing the perfect cup (or mug) of tea, OK?<\/p>\n<p>The perfect cup of tea is strong, and unsweetened, right?<\/p>\n<p>Right.<\/p>\n<p>So here we go.<\/p>\n<p>The perfect cup of tea starts with the time.<\/p>\n<p>The time is 05.30 (that&#8217;s 5.30am), and the rest of the process goes like this:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Get out of bed. Fall over a cat. Go downstairs. Fall over another cat<\/li>\n<li>Fill the kettle with water. Fall over another cat<\/li>\n<li>Switch the kettle on. Fall over another cat<\/li>\n<li>Empty the dishwasher<\/li>\n<li>Put a teabag in a cup (mug)<\/li>\n<li>Put down four lots of cat biscuits. Fall over at least two cats<\/li>\n<li>Slowly pour the boiled water over the teabag in the cup (mug), until the level is about 1\/2&#8243; below the rim<\/li>\n<li>Take a teaspoon and a fork from the cutlery drawer<\/li>\n<li>Gently agitate the bag (this does not mean slapping her on the arse and saying &#8216;two sugars please&#8217;) with the fork for five seconds<\/li>\n<li>Fall over a cat<\/li>\n<li>Get the skimmed milk out of the fridge (any other kind of milk is the sperm of the devil and should be discarded immediately)<\/li>\n<li>Gently agitate the bag with the fork for another five seconds<\/li>\n<li>Get a small bowl out. Half-fill the bowl with Shreddies.<\/li>\n<li>Fall over a cat<\/li>\n<li>Add a small amount of skimmed milk to the Shreddies.<\/li>\n<li>Fall over another cat<\/li>\n<li>Gently agitate the bag with the fork for five more seconds<\/li>\n<li>With the teaspoon and the fork, gently compress the teabag until there is no liquid left to come out<\/li>\n<li>Slowly stir the tea and very slowly add a very very small amount of milk<\/li>\n<li>Put the milk back in the fridge falling, as you go, over a cat<\/li>\n<li>Take the cup (mug) of tea, the teaspoon, and the bowl of Shreddies upstairs<\/li>\n<li>Get in to bed<\/li>\n<li>Eat the Shreddies<\/li>\n<li>Drink the tea<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Enjoy your start to the day.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_12364\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-12364\" style=\"width: 350px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12364\" src=\"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Catlol.jpg\" alt=\"Catlol\" width=\"350\" height=\"266\" srcset=\"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Catlol.jpg 350w, https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Catlol-300x228.jpg 300w, https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Catlol-150x114.jpg 150w, https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Catlol-197x150.jpg 197w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-12364\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Catlol<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure id=\"attachment_12365\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-12365\" style=\"width: 347px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-12365\" src=\"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Tea.jpg\" alt=\"Tea\" width=\"347\" height=\"347\" srcset=\"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Tea.jpg 486w, https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Tea-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/Tea-300x300.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 347px) 100vw, 347px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-12365\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Tea<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m now going to prove that the phrase &#8216;tea, a drink with jam and bread&#8217; is a load of old tosh. A great deal has<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12363","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12363"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12363\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12363"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12363"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12363"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}