{"id":2499,"date":"2010-01-06T21:00:46","date_gmt":"2010-01-06T21:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=2499"},"modified":"2012-09-25T21:29:01","modified_gmt":"2012-09-25T20:29:01","slug":"ill-have-a-pee-please-bob-and-other-random-sayings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=2499","title":{"rendered":"I’ll have a pee please Bob (and other random sayings)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Some very random words are flashing through my sleepy head but I can’t go to bed because its not even 8.45 yet!<\/em><\/p>\n

A gazillion years ago there used to be a television quiz programme on ITV called Blockbusters – hosted by Bob Holness. Yes, I know the Americans also had the same programme, but that’s not the point.<\/p>\n

Where the fuck is my fucking coat? Which character delivered that line and in which film? It’s a brilliant line, I love it.<\/em><\/p>\n

I didn’t really like Blockbusters that much, the questions weren’t exactly challenging; it was the working against the clock factor that made the programme difficult.<\/p>\n

Peter: No surprises?
\nMark: No surprises.
\nPeter: Not like the stag night?
\nMark: Unlike the stag night.
\nPeter: Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?
\nMark: I do.
\nPeter: And it would have been much better if they’d not turned out to be men?
\nMark: That is true. <\/em><\/p>\n

The thing was, with Blockbusters, was that some of the irritatingly smug school-age children had brains *and* a sense of humour. ‘I’ll have a P please Bob always made me smirk’, as did the slightly more risque ‘I’ll have an E please Bob’.<\/p>\n

Mikey, DJ interviewer: Wow. Thanks for that, Bill.
\nBilly Mack: For what?
\nMikey, DJ interviewer: Well, for actually giving a real answer to a question. Doesn’t often happen here at “Radio Watford” I can tell you.
\nBilly Mack: Ask me anything you like, I’ll tell you the truth.
\nMikey, DJ interviewer: Uh, best shag you’ve ever had?
\nBilly Mack: Britney Spears.
\nMikey, DJ interviewer: Wow!
\nBilly Mack: No, only kidding. She was rubbish. <\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway, you’re probably wondering why your computer is spewing random words at you right now, right? Well the answer is simple. I think I’m suffering from Cabin Fever. Or perhaps it’s a form of electronic Tourette’s Syndrome.<\/p>\n

Karen: So what’s this big news, then?
\nDaisy: [excited] We’ve been given our parts in the nativity play. And I’m the lobster.
\nKaren: The lobster?
\nDaisy: Yeah!
\nKaren: In the nativity play?
\nDaisy: [beaming] Yeah, *first* lobster.
\nKaren: There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
\nDaisy: Duh.<\/em><\/p>\n

I’ve been alone in the house all day; snowbound. I’ve been hugely productive. And I’ve watched a little television. And snacked. And walked around the block and helped retrieve a neighbour’s van from where he’d successfully wedged it across the road junction. He’s a twunt who can’t drive. Well, he’s also just a twunt.<\/p>\n

[Natalie, a secretary, is greeting the Prime Minister]
\nNatalie: Hello, David. I mean “sir”. Shit, I can’t believe I’ve just said that. And now I’ve gone and said “shit” – twice. I’m so sorry, sir.
\nPrime Minister: It’s fine, it’s fine. You could’ve said “fuck,” and then we’d have been in real trouble.
\nNatalie: Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was gonna fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss it! <\/em><\/p>\n

But due to the twunting behaviour of twunts like my twuntish neighbour I was even twunting unable to get up to the stables to see my boys, because these twunts don’t know how to drive in snow and\/or icy conditions. Honestly, last night I followed a guy on the same country lane from the stables and he was barely motoring along at 5 – that’s FIVE – mph. Which as anyone can tell you would be a borderline acceptable speed for flat bits, way too fast for downhill bits and completely and totally fucking in- fucking eff- fucking ective – INEFFECTIVE – at getting yon twuntish driver up the numerous hills en route<\/em>. Actually, his borderline 5mph failed to get him up even just *one* of the hills.<\/p>\n

Jamie: [in English] It’s my favourite time of day, driving you.
\nAurelia: [in Portuguese] It’s the saddest part of my day, leaving you. <\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway, I love you. Have I said that lately? I don’t say it often enough, I know. But it’s true. I love you. But don’t worry, I’m sure this Cabin Fever will pass. Who knows, I might even be back to normal tomorrow. Now that is scary!<\/p>\n

Thank you. That will be nice. Yes is being my answer. Easy question. <\/em><\/p>\n

The quotes come from the film Love Actually. I’m feeling very ‘lovey’. Can you tell?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some very random words are flashing through my sleepy head but I can’t go to bed because its not even 8.45 yet! A gazillion years<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2499","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2499"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2499\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2499"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2499"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2499"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}