{"id":278,"date":"2007-11-06T21:16:03","date_gmt":"2007-11-06T20:16:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=278"},"modified":"2007-11-08T20:19:46","modified_gmt":"2007-11-08T19:19:46","slug":"chav-eavesdropping","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=278","title":{"rendered":"Chav eavesdropping"},"content":{"rendered":"

Parental advisory warning: obfuscated rude words ahead<\/em><\/p>\n

Lunchtime today, yours truly standing in line to pay for a few trinkets bought at a branch of Woolies in a small town on the edge of the Cotswolds.<\/p>\n

Behind me are three chavs<\/strike> college students, two girls and a boy.<\/p>\n

One of the girls will be 18-years-old next week (happy birthday girlie chav, btw!).<\/p>\n

The conversation centred on what presents she would be getting from various folk and how much each person would have spent on her.<\/p>\n

Playstation 3 and various other TechiToys(tm) figured largely until girlie chav no. 2 asked what birthday girlie chav had asked her mum for.<\/p>\n

For a split second I wondered precisely what a 17-year-old, soon to be 18-year-old girl would ask her mother for as a birthday present.<\/p>\n

Birthday girlie chav broke through my concentration with her answer.<\/p>\n

“Well, I’ve asked for a course of laser hair removal treatment.”<\/p>\n

She then went on to make it abundantly clear which part of her body she wanted the laser hair removal beams pointed at.<\/p>\n

And I wondered how that conversation would have run in soon-to-be-birthday-chav’s house:<\/p>\n

Chav’s mum: What do you want for your 18th dear?<\/p>\n

Chav: Well mum, what I’d really like is a course of laser hair removal treatment.<\/p>\n

Chav’s mum: That would be nice dear, but it might be expensive to get both legs done.<\/p>\n

Chav: Well actually mum, it’s not my legs I want done, it’s my cnut.<\/p>\n

Chav’s mum: Oh I see! Well, because it’s a much smaller area than both legs I think I can afford that.<\/p>\n

Chav: Thanks mum. It’s just such a hassle having to shave it all the time (she actually said this in the queue at Woolies!<\/em>).<\/p>\n

Well, maybe my imagined conversation is completely wrong, but just how does a soon-to-be-18-year-old girl have a conversation with her mother about having her pubic hair removed?<\/p>\n

Would the mother ask why? And would she be told that it makes cunnilingus so much more enjoyable for her boyfriend (or girlfriend!)?<\/p>\n

Or would the mother smile, say ‘That’s lovely dear, would you like a cake as well?’ and reach for her chequebook?<\/p>\n

And is it only me who finds it bizarre on three levels:<\/p>\n

1. That an almost 18-year-old girl has identified she (or someone!) prefers her cnut to be smooth<\/p>\n

2. That the girl has made this known to her mother, and<\/p>\n

3. That the mother is providing a course of pubic hair laser removal treatment for her daughter<\/p>\n

Sorry – four things:<\/p>\n

4. And that birthday-girlie-chav is discussing the removal of her pubic hair in a not quiet voice whilst standing in a queue for the cash desk in Woolies.<\/p>\n

?<\/p>\n

Just me then.<\/p>\n

But for the record, as someone who loves delivering cunni…<\/p>\n

Oh.<\/p>\n

Not here?<\/p>\n

Fair enough.<\/p>\n

B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Parental advisory warning: obfuscated rude words ahead Lunchtime today, yours truly standing in line to pay for a few trinkets bought at a branch of<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-278","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=278"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/278\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=278"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=278"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=278"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}