{"id":342,"date":"2008-01-03T19:04:15","date_gmt":"2008-01-03T18:04:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=342"},"modified":"2022-03-30T16:43:57","modified_gmt":"2022-03-30T15:43:57","slug":"hair-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=342","title":{"rendered":"Hair today…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve abandoned the ‘songs recorded by Meatloaf’ blog-naming convention, in case you hadn’t noticed. I blew that out of the water yesterday with the accurate but non-Meatloaf-song’d ‘Swindon’. Anyway…
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m sitting in the hairdressing salon in Worcester, waiting my turn.<\/p>\n

There are two females on the right-hand row getting treatment.<\/p>\n

One is having liquid applied to her hair by means of the kind of brush we used to glue stuff (and ourselves) with at school, if you know what I mean?<\/p>\n

Except instead of the gloopy, fishy-smelly white paste we used to splatter all over the place, the liquid that she’s having applied – in large quantities to her head – smells strongly of pig’s urine.<\/p>\n

Don’t ask, just trust me on this one.<\/p>\n

And the other woman?<\/p>\n

She’s wearing about half a roll of Bacofoil.<\/p>\n

She looks a right lemon. Actually, no.<\/p>\n

Lemons don’t come wrapped in many, many layers of cooking foil.<\/p>\n

She looks like as though she has a slightly hairy, very scary, prepared and ready for the oven, fresh turkey on her head.<\/p>\n

I’m now looking around nervously, trying to find the form with the tick-boxes that say ‘tick here if you don’t want to look ridiculous’.<\/p>\n

But I can’t see them.<\/p>\n

Perhaps that’s what happened to these two females – they couldn’t find the forms either?<\/p>\n

And!<\/p>\n

The hairdresser who is applying the pig’s urine has a bare belly; the gap is about five inches tall and isn’t confined to her tummy – it goes all the way around.<\/p>\n

I only mention this because if <\/em>she’s the one who is going to give me a wash, cut and blow job<\/span> dry then her completely naked tummy is going to be right in my eye-line.<\/p>\n

I’m starting to panic.<\/p>\n

Should I cancel?<\/p>\n

Should I walk out?<\/p>\n

Should I send a text home to explain that I’m about to look – unwillingly – at another female’s tummy region and ask for forgiveness for the sin that is about to be visited upon me?<\/p>\n

Oh my God.<\/p>\n

It’s my turn now!<\/p>\n

Think of me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve abandoned the ‘songs recorded by Meatloaf’ blog-naming convention, in case you hadn’t noticed. I blew that out of the water yesterday with the accurate<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-342","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/342","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=342"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/342\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=342"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=342"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=342"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}