I sit at my desk and sniff my (peers in to the Styrofoam mug) vegetable broth – allegedly – and feel…<\/p>\n
Listless.<\/p>\n
Burnt out.<\/p>\n
They’re the best descriptions I have but I’m not sure they’re wholly accurate.<\/p>\n
It’s as though my life has reached a point, a turning point? A jumping on\/jumping off point?<\/p>\n
The best name my heart has for it is a pivotal place.<\/p>\n
I suppose it could be the weather.<\/p>\n
Or the time of year.<\/p>\n
Or a combination of both.<\/p>\n
Or some other factor, as yet unidentified.<\/p>\n
But it’s as though I need to spring-clean my life.<\/p>\n
I am full of thoughts, words and deeds, yet struggle to even find the time to get many of them out.<\/p>\n
Some thoughts remain unvoiced for reasons other than the almost crippling lack of time that seems constant in my life these days; not waking the thoughts behind them is the easier course of action, less painful in the short term.<\/p>\n
In the long term? Who knows?<\/p>\n
It’s as though there is a feeling of… discontent?<\/p>\n
Yes…<\/p>\n
There’s a feeling of discontent sitting heavily in my belly like a too-large meal I shouldn’t have eaten; making me feel uncomfortable and no new position, no amount of shuffling about in my chair can ease this unhappy restlessness, replace it with something less troublesome.<\/p>\n
So many words, feelings, emotions, thoughts – all needing to come out, be inspected, sorted and graded, have the bad removed from the good and discarded.<\/p>\n
And there seems to be lots of badness inside me lately.<\/p>\n
Which is quite a scary thing, for a person with as much goodness, as many good things in his life, as many riches as I am blessed, to have so much badness inside.<\/p>\n
And bitterness. Much bitterness.<\/p>\n
Emotion; lots of that too.<\/p>\n
Aye, it’s probably the weather; the relentless grey skies, the pissing down in a forty days and forty nights kind of rain, the dark mornings, the dark evenings, the cold.<\/p>\n
Probably.<\/p>\n
B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I sit at my desk and sniff my (peers in to the Styrofoam mug) vegetable broth – allegedly – and feel… Listless. Burnt out. They’re<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/358","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=358"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/358\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=358"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=358"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=358"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}