… arse. It’s all that sitting about that does it. Travel also stretches ones credibility. And tests ones patience.<\/p>\n
And pushes ones mental endurance to hitherto unknown degrees of control – but barely.<\/p>\n
And no, this isn’t a rant.<\/p>\n
It isn’t – honest!<\/p>\n
I am not going to rant about anything, nothing travel-related, nothing not travel related. Which is a double negative and therefore means that I could rant if I wanted to but I don’t so I won’t.<\/p>\n
See?<\/p>\n
Self-control.<\/p>\n
I have acres of it.<\/p>\n
Otherwise I would have thrown that obnoxious little bastard of a child out of the aeroplane window.<\/p>\n
But I didn’t.<\/p>\n
Because I’m cool.<\/p>\n
If I weren’t cool I would have then tossed the obnoxious little bastard of a child’s fucking parents out of the aeroplane window too.<\/p>\n
But… hey! I’m so cool I make The Fonz seem frantic and full of bad chemicals. Not that The Fonz ever did any chemicals, he’s just too cool for that.<\/p>\n
But me, I am the epitome of coolness.<\/p>\n
I am The Hoffmeister Bear, The Fonz and<\/em> The Honey Monster rolled in to one loosely wound bag of coolness.<\/p>\n See? How relaxed do I look?<\/p>\n So my friend, tell me something. In fact… tell me several somethings.<\/p>\n * Why is it that airport security at Dublin are so… relaxed? And – check this very small point of reality – it’s not as if the Irish haven’t lived with terrorism for forty or fifty years is it?<\/p>\n * And why is airline security on El Al more relaxed than airline security on easyJet? And your answers are?<\/p>\n (pauses for breath)<\/em><\/p>\n The good thing about travelling is that it gives ones brain time to free wheel; to coast along those mental highways, byways and bridleways it doesn’t normally have time for.<\/p>\n Mine usually goes in to overdrive.<\/p>\n Lately has been no exception and as a result: The other thing about much travelling is that it presents the perfect opportunity for people-watching.<\/p>\n Know something?<\/p>\n Those things… people?<\/p>\n They’re completely bonkers.<\/p>\n I’m beginning to despair for the future of mankind.<\/p>\n But that’s for another time. For now let me just say…<\/p>\n Hello!<\/p>\n I’m back and I’m blogging and I’m fired up and raring to go.<\/p>\n Right, is that the time? 21.20?<\/p>\n Bed! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" … arse. It’s all that sitting about that does it. Travel also stretches ones credibility. And tests ones patience. And pushes ones mental endurance to<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/383","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=383"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/383\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=383"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=383"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=383"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n* Whilst airport security at Bristol airport and Birmingham International airport are so minutely anal? And inefficient? To the point where the dozy twats at Bristol airport (which, by the way, is nowhere near Bristol, isn’t easy to get to by car and – get this – isn’t even on a fucking train line!) confiscate my shampoo, shaving foam and conditioner from my hand-luggage but (but!!!) let through my laptop (which contains enough electronics for me to fashion a device capable of jamming the airplane’s fucking radio!) and – in my laptop case which went through your poxy x-ray machine guys! – are three – yes, three, count them… one, two three… three<\/em> fucking screwdrivers!<\/p>\n
\n* And why is it that the seats on Cunnilingus<\/strike> Aer Lingus aircraft are just so brilliantly comfortable compared to the buckets that Ryan Air (hereafter known as Dan Dare) had installed?<\/p>\n
\n* I am planning the domination of the digital world (and I’m looking for volunteers to play a part in my cunning plan!)
\n* I have an idea – thanks to Soph – for a crime thriller (soooo not my genre!)
\n* I am fired up with enthusiasm for the forthcoming eventing season (I had lost my appetite when I had to have Beech put to sleep)
\n* I have listened to a massive amount of material on my iPod (some of it tremendously informative)
\n* I have (mentally) formatted a series of workshops for a project at work
\n* I have almost committed myself to buying a new laptop (can’t quite make that final leap with the company credit card)
\n* I have written (dictated) a massive amount of notes about work stuff, writing stuff, OU stuff and taking over the digital world stuff
\n* I have decided to get on the road (which sounds quite bizarre given the amount of travelling I have been doing, but it isn’t and I can’t tell you because I’ve signed a confidentiality agreement and I’ve also signed the Official Secrets Act and shit like that)<\/p>\n