There are 176 texts in my phone inbox.<\/p>\n
Yeah, I’m just a digital hoarder.<\/p>\n
But now I need to delete them because my phone is operating against it’s upper margins.<\/p>\n
So here are just a few (oldest first)…<\/p>\n
Just heading to Morrisons. Meet you there? Feels like we should be healthy tonight… Soup? Not bad really. And bloody starving now! Might be chips after all! 1lb off. Back on target. Definitely chips tonight Your flight EZY6181 is scheduled to depart at 16.20 from Bristol. You can still check in online or at the airport from 14.20 I love you baby and if its quite alright, I need you baby to warm the lonely night… etc. How is my beautiful beau today? Mwah! Xxx Effing bloody wanking twatting trains. Late. Yet. Again. Bah bloody humbug! Yes 9am-ish. When are you riding next? Vin has lost a shoe. Found shoe, going back on tomorrow PM. on a sadder day, these arrived from Hellen, Tracey, Ruth, Ruth, Jodie, Jess and Lotty:<\/em> the lovely Aussie Sammi came for a few days:<\/em> Door’s done. And got your pipes made as well so will put the lorry back together tomorrow. Are you ok? Just had a mouthful of abuse from some skank who I informed was smoking in a no smoking area. Feel so angry but want to cry. I hate people. Can we buy an island. Please? Love you. X No worries. Just wrap up warm! Will let you know when we break for tea xxx p.s. poo is not forthcoming from this bottom\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Bah! Brennig, hearing from you is one of the best things that could have happened, working from home today, doing about 3,000 miles a month, miss you and Ganz terribly, my heart wasn’t in it after you left. Ian. Gyno said I have a deliciously tight cunt and a very lucky husband… ok, not really, but I bet she was thinking it! xxx From that list, delete My Sims game and H Potter DVD. Already catered for. She also wants Cadbury’s buttons n mint choc chip! This is an automated message. Please do not reply. You have received one new Dying-for-a-wee-a-gram. Someone you care deeply about is currently waiting for a train and dying for a wee. Thinking fondly of you in her time of need… Thank you for your support. Brilliant tabloid headline: Dog woman’s arm is saved. Who is this Dog woman? Will she save the world? Or just the chew toys? Genius journalism. I’m dancing at the bus stop No-one seems to want to stand next to me. Don’t know why! Vin’s torn his rug even more. Is it ok to try the Rambo on him? Didn’t realise it was brand new til I looked! Well I had one before you had yours AND a bit of a runny one about an hour afterwards. So nah! But am very proud of you too. Xxx Standing in the chemist waiting for my prescription and ready to kill screaming children and their rubbish ineffective mother! Well I just had lunch… in bed! So nah! And I’m watching my 2nd film of the day… In bed. I might have another poo too. But my first one was so big perhaps I don’t need to. Xxx I dreamt I had a hairy chest and back last night. It was horrid. I couldn’t find any clothes to hide it. Scary! Xxx Hi Brennig thanks for the flowers they are lovely. Trust you two are well? Pete and I are off to NZ on Sunday for month then I start my new job in March. Shane. Xx Three – count them – three lbs off! Bring on the chips. Maybe to share though. Love you. Xxx Happy anniversary. Hope you have a lovely day. Thank you for my beautiful flowers! Everyone was very jealous. Love you. X I may still be in bed… I don’t understand it. But there it is. Bad bad Sophie x Haven’t got as far as putting my knickers on… Ahem… cough… erm… no… been asleep mostly… reading… and some rice pudding… and a little trump just then. Got my bust measured today… 34DD! Then with a different bra it was an E cup. My lovely puppies! I’m so proud. Afraid I was right about Vin’s foot. Had pus in the toe. Going to be poulticed for a couple of days. Shoe back on next Weds all being well. Hello, we are moving on Sat morning are you free to help at all, sorry for short notice. We’ve put the shoe back on. He was a little sore still but that was probably just from being shoeless. Looked sound when I turned him out. 1.5lbs off! Shocker. Must have been that massive poo I had before leaving work! Chips r us! I am now the proud owner of shiny new Prada specs! Everything has sharp lines and definition. The world is no longer wonky! Hoorah! Every child and their pet, subservient parent is out in Worcester today. Did I ever tell you how much I hate children? And chavs? Let’s just bomb the place! Earth, I mean… not just Worcester! Danny and I have split up. Thought you’d want to know. x So I can now delete all of these – and the other – texts from my inbox. Phew, that’s a relief!<\/p>\n But not in a toilet kind of way.<\/p>\n B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There are 176 texts in my phone inbox. Yeah, I’m just a digital hoarder. 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\nit’s Soph. You’ll notice a theme developing. Well, two themes to be totally blunt. Maybe three. \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthis at 12.31<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthis at 18.38<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthis at 19.16. We’re not fickle in our house, oh no!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthis message comes from easyJet, now spamming a mobile phone near you!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nah, the language of love from my articulate and lovely S.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nsee just how articulate she can be when she tries? \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n
\nbloody horse!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nyay for Sue!<\/em><\/p>\n
\n* I’m really sorry to hear that. You’ve done the right thing for B. xx
\n* Very sorry to hear that. (((big hug))) Ruth. Xx
\n* I’m really sorry to hear that Brennig but you’ve made the right decision. Thanks for letting me know. Best wishes.
\n* So sorry to hear. Hugs.
\n* Terribly sad news. I remember when you bought him and how pleased you were with him. He had a good and happy life with you. I’m so sorry this has happened. Poor Beech. Much sympathy.
\nRuth
\n* So sorry will be thinking of you. Will call you in a couple of days. Xxx
\n* I’m really sorry to hear that. Hope you are ok.<\/p>\n
\nHi Bren. Sammi here. Just thought I’d let u know that I’m on the train now. It stops at almost every station so I think it gets into Shrub Hill about 2.15 but I was running for the train so I didn’t get the chance to check.<\/p>\n
\nGary the reliable lorry mechanic<\/em><\/p>\n
\nwhen a text arrives from Soph that starts ‘Are you ok?’ there’s usually a not very hidden motive.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthis would be one of the other themes.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nI love Ian. I really do. He’s the kind of solid, dependable guy they build companies around. Leaving the place where he’d been working for the last 18 years was hard. But the best thing he could have done for him, and them.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n
\nSoph? \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n
\nmy not at all avaricious ex.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nah, the toilet theme. \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n
\nall this and brains and humour too?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nwith a touch of mentalist behaviour?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthis was received at 17.00 on the day before Christmas Eve! So not the time to be rushing about doing emergency rug shopping. Bloody horse!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthe toilet theme, revisited.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nwe love children. Couldn’t eat a whole one though.<\/em><\/p>\n
\na little bit too much information perhaps? Nah! All part of life’s rich tapestry.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nas scary for me hearing it as it was for you dreaming it.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nPete and Shane, my two pals and occasional Brixton landlords.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nwrong number?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nfrom Ruth – my much ignored friend who I’ve let down badly and feel guilty I’ve done so.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nan anniversary present.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nreceived on 04\/02\/08 @ 14.31<\/em><\/p>\n
\nreceived on 04\/02\/08 @ 15.08<\/em><\/p>\n
\nreceived on 04\/02\/08 @ 15.15<\/em><\/p>\n
\nawww…<\/em><\/p>\n
\nwell done to Sue for catching it. Bloody Vin! \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n
\nyeah, I can do that.<\/em><\/p>\n
\ngosh, was that really five days ago?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nthere is more to life than dieting, pooing and chips. But not much more.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nhoorah for not having a wonky world.<\/em><\/p>\n
\ndid I mention how much we love children?<\/em><\/p>\n
\nah, the muchly sad Ginny who I love lots and feel very protective towards.<\/em><\/p>\n