It’s Friday evening so naturally I’m shopping at Morrisons, Bromsgrove.<\/p>\n
Wild party animal that I am.<\/p>\n
I’ve stopped off to have fun<\/strike> do the shopping on the way to pick up The Lovely S\u00a0from work; she doesn’t finish until 20.15.<\/p>\n
My boundaries of disbelief are\u00a0under threat from a couple of directions.<\/p>\n
Firstly, Morrisons management.<\/p>\n
They’re twisted.<\/p>\n
The store has\u00a0two aisles near the exit that are designated as ‘express’ check-outs.<\/p>\n
But they’re the two slowest aisles in the store.<\/p>\n
The tills are designated as ‘Hand Baskets Only’ – and that’s great because by and large that’s the way it works.<\/p>\n
But they’re still the two slowest aisles in the store.<\/p>\n
Why?<\/p>\n
Because the management (did I mention that they’re twisted?) put the slowest members of staff on the stores payroll on these tills.<\/p>\n
Really!<\/p>\n
Twenty six minutes to process the contents of four shopping baskets.<\/p>\n
I kid you not.<\/p>\n
Twenty six minutes!<\/p>\n
But…<\/p>\n
But this evening I didn’t mind.<\/p>\n
Oh no.<\/p>\n
I didn’t mind because (and this is the second reason my boundaries of disbelief have been tested this evening)…<\/p>\n
I was in front of a group of…<\/p>\n
SuperChavs! (innit).<\/p>\n
Look, what I’m about to say isn’t sexist, I’m just stating what I saw.<\/p>\n
Five Chavettes – actually, SuperChavette – queuing behind me.<\/p>\n
13 years old.<\/p>\n
Lamb dressed as mutton; floating\u00a0on a cloud of whatever cheap,\u00a0nasty, tacky perfume they could spray on for free at the Boots Tester counter.<\/p>\n
Garishly coloured, spangly tops; black. skin-tight slacks, open-toed sandals-with-heels.<\/p>\n
Accents I can only describe as ‘Brummie-Lite’.<\/p>\n
(‘Wotcha do a’school to die Shaz?’ that kind of thing)<\/p>\n
Fake tannery underneath layers of makeup applied by builders’ trowel or powder-puffs the size of a bathroom sponge.<\/p>\n
Hair styles that must have taken hours to gain the appearance of being so sculpted.<\/p>\n
Each of these SuperChavettes carries a bottle of Lambrusco or similar whilst muttering almost silently how unworried they are about getting\u00a0ID’d.<\/p>\n
Guess what?<\/p>\n
They got ID’d.<\/p>\n
‘I’ve left it in moy car.’ Said the Senior SuperChavette.<\/p>\n
‘That’s fine,’ said the checkout supervisor who had spotted the girls from a distance and intervened across the top\u00a0of the store’s Slowest Checkout Operator.<\/p>\n
‘I’ll wait here while you go out to the car park and get it.’<\/p>\n
Unfortunately I couldn’t hear precisely what happened next because I had to finish packing my seven items of shopping and leave – I was beginning to look like either a sinister stalker or an escapee from the community mental health team.<\/p>\n
But as I was driving out of the car park I did see all of the SuperChavettes leaving the store.<\/p>\n
Sans<\/em> bottles of wine.<\/p>\n Friday evening in Bromsgrove, ah we really know how to rock the world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s Friday evening so naturally I’m shopping at Morrisons, Bromsgrove. Wild party animal that I am. I’ve stopped off to have fun do the shopping<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-41","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=41"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=41"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=41"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=41"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}