My head, suddenly freed from the state of torpor that has entombed it lately, has gone bonkers.<\/p>\n
It is throwing out random thoughts; unbidden, unprovoked and even unpoked.<\/p>\n
Like…<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Do I want to throw proper full-time work in, and go back to university to work towards adding a\u00a0Ph.D to my BA (Hons) and Masters?<\/p>\n Or…<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Do I want to throw proper full-time work in, and just work on my writing?<\/p>\n Or…<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Do I want to do something else? Something totally random?<\/p>\n Hmmm….<\/p>\n The more I think about it, the more I find the idea of working on a Ph.D attractive.<\/p>\n There’s an area of psychosis that sits between schizoid personality disorder (SPD), obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) and mild bi-polar disorder (BPD) that intrigues me.<\/p>\n I have, in retrospect, been observing classic behaviours of this condition over the last four months, right down to the multi-personality traits and associated denials and credible, almost self-believed, lies.<\/p>\n I have been kicking myself that I failed to identify the condition, but, in mitigation, it is only now that the whole truth has come out, that all of the evidence is available.<\/p>\n There is, somewhere, a paper on conditional triggers and associated medication (the subject is on a very long-term course of varying-strength anti-depressants), but I can’t put my hand on the reference.<\/p>\n I’ve been up in the loft to try and find my text-books, but they must be in my lorry up at the stables.<\/p>\n I have become energised.<\/p>\n This afternoon I filed divorce papers with the Oxford court.<\/p>\n It is as if this one action, putting my name at the foot of a seven-page document and submitting it to the divorce court, has somehow released me from a state of mental lock-up.<\/p>\n Maybe this is the piece of closure that I’ve been missing.<\/p>\n The court papers that I have submitted lists the full names and addresses of the five men involved; I’m also suing them all for the costs of the divorce.<\/p>\n It seems right, and I feel sure the court will agree.<\/p>\n I almost want one of them to challenge the papers; then we could have a full-on legal battle with, ultimately, court-ordered evidence produced from Google’s email servers.<\/p>\n Almost, but not quite.<\/p>\n I’ve emailed Sophie to tell her.<\/p>\n She seems OK with it, and has said she’ll not challenge what we both know to be the truth.<\/p>\n I’m glad.<\/p>\n It’s not my intention to crush her, though I have moved to a position of not wanting to see her or speak to her, ever again.<\/p>\n I need to move away from a relationship which, by her own answer on Saturday, is dead, and I need to distance myself from a very unwell person.<\/p>\n This sounds callous, but her behaviour, infidelities and lies have caused me such pain that I can’t face being near her any longer.<\/p>\n Which is why, I suppose, my brain is looking at alternative life-possibilities.<\/p>\n Interesting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My head, suddenly freed from the state of torpor that has entombed it lately, has gone bonkers. It is throwing out random thoughts; unbidden, unprovoked<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5819","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5819"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5819\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5819"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5819"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5819"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}