When the relationship fallout from the sham of my marriage started, you know, falling out, Ash advised me to use my emotions and write.<\/p>\n
And he was right, of course.<\/p>\n
It was nice of him to recognise the creative forces of such raw emotion, and good of him to suggest that I do what I was already doing.<\/p>\n
But, after a review of everything I’ve written since I started unpicking the lies of my soon-to-be-ex-wife to get at the truth of what she’d been up to behind my back, it is unfortunate that so much of what I wrote is unusable.<\/p>\n
Being consumed by deep, dark anger; being driven by a mist of red rage, well, it just doesn’t produce good writing.<\/p>\n
Angry, bitter, hateful, spiteful, hurtful writing, yes. But nothing usable.<\/p>\n
The revenge motivation was, at the peak of my anger, almost 100% of *me*.<\/p>\n
And at the other end of the scale, the depths of depression did not produce anything lucid.<\/p>\n
Emotional, yes. Lucid? No.<\/p>\n
But there are things, between the two, that are not too shabby.<\/p>\n
I rewrote – or perhaps that should be ‘reversioned’ ‘Shelved’ twice.<\/p>\n
The angry version reads like a Sam Peckinpah film.<\/p>\n
The depressed version reads like a suicide-candidate’s aspiration.<\/p>\n
But last night, whilst driving back from that London, via other places and having enjoyed the company of friends, the funnies started bubbling in to my head.<\/p>\n
I had my recorder in the car, as usual, so I switched it on and burbled away as I drove.<\/p>\n
I have just finished listening to last night’s recording which is, essentially, almost two hours of me giggling like a 10-year old, as I attempt to dictate an almost endless stream of anecdotes.<\/p>\n
None of this material is for ‘Shelved’ which, frankly, I consider finished (or as close to being finished as I can get it).<\/p>\n
But I tapped in to a ream of new material, last night, which I’m going to play with for next few weeks.<\/p>\n
I still wish I could write sex, but I’m unsure about how to go about working on and refining this one missing facet (whether writing in an emotional state or not!).<\/p>\n
I just have to try and figure out what the 14th dictated anecdote is. It sounds like the missing words are ‘nun’, ‘aardvark’ and ‘bicycle’.<\/p>\n
The company of friends has so many benefits.<\/p>\n
Clarity of speech isn’t one of them, apparently.<\/p>\n
Oh well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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