So first of all we have the tube journey from Victoria to Oxford Circus.<\/p>\n
This evening’s peculiar juxtaposition of sweating humanity included:<\/p>\n
* Two Spanish girls – jailbait though not far off legality, but trying hard to look both simultaneously drop-dead gorgeous and not jailbait (and succeeding only on the former) – uniformly attired.<\/p>\n
You know what I mean.<\/p>\n
Low-slung jeans, lots of bare midriff, tight tops struggling to conceal the symmetrically attractive contents of push-up bras; immaculately applied minimalist makeup.<\/p>\n
Speaking of which – makeup I mean – is it normal for women to apply copious amounts of ‘slap’ on the underground (or other public transport system of your choice) in your reality?<\/p>\n
Because that’s what happened this morning.<\/p>\n
Youngish – about mid-30s – she got on the tube at Brixton, hauled out her muchly cavernous handbag and applied many layers of makeup.<\/p>\n
Eyes, lips, cheeks.<\/p>\n
Fuck me, this is really, really, really good, isn’t it?<\/p>\n
What is it?<\/p>\n
Lost Prophets and Everyday Combat.<\/p>\n
Very raw, very rocky.<\/p>\n
Anyway, back to today.<\/p>\n
* Three monks.<\/p>\n
The full bit; robes with curtain ties around the middle, sandals without socks, beards, glasses.<\/p>\n
Is that, I wondered, a response to the uniform being worn by the young girls?<\/p>\n
Well, no. Obv.<\/p>\n
Cretin.<\/p>\n
Stop sniggering.<\/p>\n
Stoppit!<\/p>\n
They’re looking at you.<\/p>\n
All<\/em> of them!<\/p>\n That’s better.<\/p>\n Settle down.<\/p>\n Back to the story in hand.<\/p>\n * Suits; there were lots and lots of suits on The Tube.<\/p>\n Some on boys.<\/p>\n Some on girls.<\/p>\n Uniforms of a different kind I suppose?<\/p>\n I feel sorry for the girl sitting on the opposite side of this carriage.<\/p>\n I’m on the train now, did I mention that?<\/p>\n No?<\/p>\n Sorry.<\/p>\n Anyway, the almost attractive young girl in the hugely spotted, brightly coloured dress on the opposite side of the aisle?<\/p>\n Such a terrible shame.<\/p>\n Blind you know.<\/p>\n And yet she’s so fast on the text.<\/p>\n Oh yes, blind – definitely.<\/p>\n Because the sign right in front of her fucking eyes says no audible music.<\/p>\n And there’s a graphic illustration that makes the same point.<\/p>\n Yet she’s texting away with her beep-beep-beeping phone whilst also playing music out of The World’s Tinniest (that’s what I meant! Not tiny, OK??) Speaker(tm).<\/p>\n So yes.<\/p>\n Totally blind, poor thing.<\/p>\n She’d be quite pretty too.<\/p>\n If she wasn’t constantly chewing gum – in a manner that’s disturbingly reminiscent of a Guernsey milker I used to know in my youth.<\/p>\n The woman behind me is trying to read this.<\/p>\n I catch her peering between the gaps, attempting to catch a glimpse of what I’m writing.<\/p>\n Here love, let me make it easy for you…<\/p>\n Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCK-FUCK FUCK!!!<\/strong><\/p>\n To quote the prophet.<\/p>\n Hugh Grant.<\/p>\n Ha ha ha ha ha!<\/p>\n Oh my God, they’re looking at me again.<\/p>\n Bugger.<\/p>\n I think I may have just played air guitar.<\/p>\n Linkin Park – the first 30 bars of What I’ve Done.<\/p>\n The hot chic opposite is now pretending to be asleep.<\/p>\n To hide her embarrassment.<\/p>\n Headbanging?<\/p>\n Me?<\/p>\n I don’t think so.<\/p>\n Well…<\/p>\n Maybe a little nod.<\/p>\n Or two.<\/p>\n I think we’re coming in to a station now.<\/p>\n Because everyone else is gathering up their things and moving to the exit.<\/p>\n B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So first of all we have the tube journey from Victoria to Oxford Circus. This evening’s peculiar juxtaposition of sweating humanity included: * Two Spanish<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-614","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/614","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=614"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/614\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=614"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=614"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=614"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}