I only look like this when I’ve had my fill of mankind but it doesn’t actually mean anything. Other than just looking like this. I should explain…<\/p>\n
We had a ‘team meeting’ this afternoon. I should explain that for the purposes of this the word ‘team’ applies to everyone in IM.<\/p>\n
About 350 of us.<\/p>\n
So we made our way to Great Russell Street (nearest tube: Tottenham Court Road), found the conference centre and received various briefings from the CIO down.<\/p>\n
I have to say – and don’t tell anyone – that the quality was good to excellent and the information content was high.<\/p>\n
You might be able to guess that things started to go a little wobbly afterwards. And you’d be right.<\/p>\n
Outside the conference centre it was – in the words of Adrian Cronauer in Good Morning Vietnam – hot, damn hot.<\/p>\n
So I battered my way through 3,500,132 tourists to the nearest Pizza Hut for
\na) air con and
\nb) food because
\nc) I hadn’t even got back to SW London and already I couldn’t be arsed to cook.<\/p>\n
Pizza Hut was air con’d and packed.<\/p>\n
Did I mention that I had to slaughter my way there, like some kind of rock\/goth\/Roman warrior fuelled by a generations-old bloodlust?<\/p>\n
Well I did.<\/p>\n
Pleasantly surprisingly my food arrived muchly quick and I didn’t have to endure the unbelievably rude East-European tourists on the next table for longer than was strictly tolerable.<\/p>\n
But if I’d had to stay a few minutes longer I fear that some of the EU’s newest citizens would be occupying a much cooler place.<\/p>\n
Like the mortuary.<\/p>\n
They were so abusively rude to the poor waiting staff – every single one of them. Treated them as if they were little better than unpaid serfs.<\/p>\n
I left my waitress a massive tip as compensation and slaughtered another 1,132,473 tourists as I made my way to Tottenham Court tube station for the trip southwards.<\/p>\n
Don’t people understand that if they walk in to a guy who is bigger and heavier and carrying more mass than they are, they’re going to come off worse?<\/p>\n
That’s rhetorical because they obviously don’t.<\/p>\n
Well, a couple now do.<\/p>\n
And don’t people understand that if they walk in to a laptop bag that is crammed full of so many things that the big, heavy, mass-carrying guy toting the bag is favouring the weight, that it’s really going to fucking hurt them?<\/p>\n
Yeah, see above.<\/p>\n
I took the emergency stairs down to the Northern Line rather than occupy the same space as all the tourists.<\/p>\n
Don’t these people have homes to go to?<\/p>\n
No?<\/p>\n
Well can’t they just fuck off out of my way?<\/p>\n
Anyway, the tube was hot and packed as far as the first change.<\/p>\n
The second tube was boiling and packed more as far as the first change.<\/p>\n
The third tube was just hot.<\/p>\n
As I walked through the hot streets of SW London I got aggressively pounced on by the aggressive beggar.<\/p>\n
Told him to fuck right off.<\/p>\n
That’s a quote.<\/p>\n
Also gave him my best Vulcan Death Glare.<\/p>\n
And what is it with the newspaper distributors?<\/p>\n
If I wanted one of your poxy free London newspaper I’d take one.<\/p>\n
When you thrust one in my face and I don’t fall on it as if it contained the results for next week’s 3.30 at Kempton Park will you please forgive me?<\/p>\n
No?<\/p>\n
Well that makes you a rude ignorant fucker then.<\/p>\n
Anyway.<\/p>\n
I’m fine, really.<\/p>\n
I just hate people because the Tottenham Court Road experience made me feel as if I was not of the same species.<\/p>\n
I will give great mention on the next podcast of The World’s Most Peculiar Gathering who were on the next table but one in Pizza Hut.<\/p>\n
I can’t blog about them, my mind has boggled right out of my head.<\/p>\n
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