I wondered if it would, had dared to think I might have got away with it.<\/p>\n
But today, from the moment I woke up, I knew I was facing another episode. One of the top two worst episodes of my life. Not that that’s a banner I’d actually want.<\/p>\n
As the day progressed my inner mood has become darker and darker until it reached the current point, this stage of near total blackness.<\/p>\n
And bleakness.<\/p>\n
And blankness.<\/p>\n
Because there is a blankness – a deadness inside – where normally the place in which my feelings and emotions can be found.<\/p>\n
This place where I am right now, it is terrible.<\/p>\n
There is no comfort here – happiness never existed, no chance of even a crumb of comfort.<\/p>\n
There is just deadness, and a sense of sadness on a par with your favourite loved one suddenly – and – unexpectedly dying in a tragic, pointless way.<\/p>\n
There is no loved one who can administer a simple remedy.<\/p>\n
There is no antidote to this enormous sense of despair.<\/p>\n
There is no cure.<\/p>\n
There is just…<\/p>\n
More.<\/p>\n
Of the same.<\/p>\n
A relentless barrage of black, dead, nothingness enveloping every single fibre of me.<\/p>\n
Cutting me off from the world.<\/p>\n
Isolating me in a place of despair.<\/p>\n
And I need an escape.<\/p>\n
I can’t take this relentless pressing blackness; it’s far more than I can bear.<\/p>\n
The pressure is so great it almost squeezes the air out of me, making breathing difficult.<\/p>\n
I have no dignity. I have no pride. I have no self-belief.<\/p>\n
I have nothing.<\/p>\n
And I want a way out.<\/p>\n
I need to leave this place and I need to leave it now.<\/p>\n
B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I wondered if it would, had dared to think I might have got away with it. But today, from the moment I woke up, I<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-666","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/666","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=666"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/666\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=666"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=666"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=666"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}