{"id":7828,"date":"2012-06-02T08:08:04","date_gmt":"2012-06-02T07:08:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=7828"},"modified":"2012-10-18T20:47:59","modified_gmt":"2012-10-18T19:47:59","slug":"on-being-in-love-and-not-on-companionship-and-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=7828","title":{"rendered":"On being in love, and not. On companionship, and not"},"content":{"rendered":"

In my commuting moments (which are really ‘daily hours’ rather than ‘moments’) I spend a lot of time listening to music, and thinking.<\/p>\n

In the last couple of months I have done a lot of thinking about relationships.<\/p>\n

In general.<\/p>\n

And the kind of relationships that we have.<\/p>\n

And why we have relationships.<\/p>\n

A friend recently told me about a relationship she began with a guy she met via an internet dating website.<\/p>\n

The guy was good-looking, physically fit, lucid, had some cash in hand, and, it later turned out, was a bit of a nutter.<\/p>\n

Another friend (and yes, most of my friends are female. That’s the way it is, and maybe we should talk about that one day?) recently told me about a first-meeting with a guy, which turned in to a full-blown fuck-fest in the space of 5 hours. And then she dumped him.<\/p>\n

Both single women; both looking for ‘something’ in their own way, on their own terms. Or looking for someone who matches their independent criteria.<\/p>\n

But what is that ‘something’ they are looking for? And what role is the ‘someone’ to play in the life of each of my friends, if they find him?<\/p>\n

When I was in my teens I read a lot of Dick Francis; in one of his novels – I can’t remember which, and that detail isn’t\u00a0germane – the narrator describes the 40-something protagonist as living alone, but having a ‘girlfriend’ who he doesn’t live with, but occasionally they do live together. For company. And love. And sex.<\/p>\n

I remember thinking how odd that would be, that ‘together and yet not’ kind of lifestyle; how peculiar it seemed, to my\u00a0teenage\u00a0(and heavily idealistic) eyes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Surely, I remember reasoning with myself, if you loved someone you would want to be with them all the time?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Live with them?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wouldn’t you?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And yet if you burrow below the surface of our ‘married with kids’ society, you will find a strata where people are happy to be single.<\/p>\n

You will also find a level where people are not, strictly speaking, single, but they aren’t ‘together 24\/7’ either.<\/p>\n

I know we’re all different; we have individual values and we make decisions based on our own likes, dislikes, needs and wants.<\/p>\n

But that’s the point.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

No matter how much you might like your male or female companion, what you need or want might not be what they need or want.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Other than companionship.<\/p>\n

There is an interesting collection of thoughts and memories in today’s Guardian. It is far too easy to dismiss – or minimise – the thoughts of some of the contributors because they are now in advanced years.<\/p>\n

But these people were once younger than you are now.<\/p>\n

And that’s a thought in itself, eh?<\/p>\n

If you’re interested, you can find the Guardian article here<\/a>. One or two contributions are particularly poignant.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure where I sit on the love\/relationship\/marriage thing, but it is refreshing to see so many honest views.<\/p>\n

As I said some time ago, whatever relationship I end up with, I do know that I don’t want marriage.<\/p>\n

And I don’t want to live – full time – with my partner.<\/p>\n

I’m sorry, but there it is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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