{"id":808,"date":"2008-11-28T07:07:52","date_gmt":"2008-11-28T07:07:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=808"},"modified":"2012-05-03T17:29:38","modified_gmt":"2012-05-03T16:29:38","slug":"fucking-motorised-oxfordshire-wankers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/?p=808","title":{"rendered":"Fucking motorised Oxfordshire wankers"},"content":{"rendered":"

Which does, on the face of it, look like something of an oxymoron, the use of ‘fucking’ and ‘wankers’ in the same sentence. But bear with my general sense of irateness (yes it is a word, I looked it up) for a moment and all will become clear.<\/em><\/p>\n

Harshly titled maybe but… What is it with Oxfordshire drivers?<\/p>\n

As I drive to\/from the Park and Ride every day the same questions keep popping in to my head. Day after day, week after week…<\/p>\n

1. Have I stepped in to some kind of parallel universe where the normal rules of driving don’t apply? Or
\n2. Do driving instructors and driving examiners in Oxfordshire not cover roundabout etiquette? Or
\n3. Does everyone really know all about roundabout etiquette but choose to forget it the moment they get a full licence?<\/p>\n

Let me illustrate why I ask these three questions with one example (but might become more!) plucked from the world of random weirdness that I encounter on the killing joke that is the A40 every single day.<\/p>\n

If a driver on a roundabout has to cross from lane three to lane one in the space of 5m in order to hit a roundabout exit, then that driver is in the wrong lane, right?<\/p>\n

Right.<\/p>\n

So go on then, guess how often I see this.<\/p>\n

No, go on. Guess.<\/p>\n

Twice a day.<\/p>\n

Every single day.<\/p>\n

WTF?<\/p>\n

It was never as bad as this on the Worcestershire roads, not even in Chav Central. Indeed, driving in Detroitwich was easy compared to the perilous hazards of slogging up and down the A40.<\/p>\n

At least on the A38 (Worcestershire’s main trunk road) you generally know where the people around you are coming from and going to.<\/p>\n

But on the A40 in Oxfordshire?<\/p>\n

They don’t give you a clue what they’re up to, not a single fucking clue. And, scarily, they seem not to have much of a clue themselves!<\/p>\n

However the Oxfordshire driving madness isn’t confined to just leaving<\/em> roundabouts. Oh no.<\/p>\n

Welcome to the crazy Oxfordshire world of joining<\/em> roundabouts.<\/p>\n

Pick a lane. Go on. Pick any lane. But for fuck’s sake please folks, pick just one lane.<\/p>\n

[clears throat]<\/p>\n

Attention Oxfordshire Drivers:<\/strong>
\nApproaching a roundabout and straddling the white line that separates two lanes isn’t clever! It is also illegal.<\/p>\n

It’s even downright dangerous, especially when the odds are that you are going to leave<\/em> the roundabout at a completely different junction than either of the two lanes you’re attempting to line yourself up for is suited to.<\/p>\n

Driving standards in Oxfordshire are really awful.<\/p>\n

It isn’t just roundabouts.<\/p>\n

On good roads, roads with a speed limit of 60mph or 70mph the locals just crawl along with such dawdling panache that you’d think they were posing for some kind of Saga (over 60s) lifestyle advert intended to emphasise how languidly peaceful driving a couple of tons of metal really is.<\/p>\n

Newsflash.<\/p>\n

Driving a couple of tons of metal isn’t a languidly peaceful pursuit. And behaving as if the rest of the world doesn’t matter is simply a sign of how disconnected from reality you are.<\/p>\n

And that is not good.<\/p>\n

Have you taken a driving test lately?<\/p>\n

I have.<\/p>\n

I took and passed my advanced motorbike test a couple of Christmases ago, so I’m now licensed to scare professionals. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

You, on the other hand, scare everyone.<\/p>\n

B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Which does, on the face of it, look like something of an oxymoron, the use of ‘fucking’ and ‘wankers’ in the same sentence. But bear<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-808","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/808","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=808"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/808\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=808"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=808"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=808"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}