The cute blonde girl opposite me sat down, fished out her mobile and called her friend Shaz. It was a conversation almost devoid of any kind of glottal stop. Also missing were most forms of punctuation, verb, adverb and, I think, all pronouns.<\/p>\n
The call was conducted in the accent that is being labelled as ‘Estuary English’.<\/p>\n
After she and Shaz had exchanged sufficient anecdotes about how ‘wikd’ they were yesterday, they evidently went on to detail how much ‘snoggin’, ‘feelin-up’ and – inevitably – ‘fukin’ they had both got up to last night.<\/p>\n
But soon even Blondie had reached her conversational limit (sadly, though, not reached as quickly as my hearing limit had been), she hung up.<\/p>\n
Only to dial another number. I shuddered with uneager anticipation but when the call was answered she said…<\/p>\n
‘Oh hello Daddy. Is Mummy there please? Hello Mummy. I’m on my way home. I stayed in London last night so I could buy you both a present, but I’m feeling really unwell so I’m on my way home.’<\/p>\n
And it was delivered in a flawless received pronunciation with elocution-perfect enunciation.<\/p>\n
I nearly fell off me arse, I did.<\/p>\n
Anyway, blondie has a cold, apparently.<\/p>\n
I wonder if the fact that her smock-top is so low-cut that I can see her bra has anything to do with her contracting the cold? I mean I can see the little black bow on her pink and black bra – the little black bow that sits on the underwired bit that is right at the base of both cups, if you know what I mean?<\/p>\n
That’s not too low-cut for a day when the outside temperature is struggling to reach 6c, is it?<\/p>\n
She’s got a scarf too, bless her.<\/p>\n
And a pair of brown Fugly boots and black leggings. And of course the aforementioned (grey) smock-top. And a navy cardigan which actually doesn’t have any buttons, so she can’t do it up. That’s useful, isn’t it? Mmmm.<\/p>\n
Blondie is about 17. I wonder what her Mummy and Daddy would think about her almost bi-polar existence?<\/p>\n
B<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The cute blonde girl opposite me sat down, fished out her mobile and called her friend Shaz. It was a conversation almost devoid of any<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff","two-columns"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/877","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=877"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/877\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=877"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=877"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/brennigjones.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=877"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}