Today, ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to talk about the functional requirements of websites – but we’re going to look at them from the perspective of a member of the public.
We want to give our customer a unique user experience.
We want to give our website user something that they will take away with them and remember, with affection, for a long time.
So let’s begin at the, erm beginning.
1. Our UPS Guy will attempt to make a delivery to the home address of a person expecting a package to be delivered by UPS.
2. We only deliver packages when the customer who is expecting a package will, completely unreasonably, either be at work or travelling to or from work.
3. Our UPS Guy should leave a ticket that states the blindingly obvious, why, precisely, he (or she) was unable to make the delivery.
4. The ticket should give our website URI. It should also tell our customer what actions they can do on the website. These should include:
4.a. Where to pick up the undelivered package, if the customer wants to go down that road
4.b. How to arrange, via the website, delivery for another day
4.c. How to arrange, via the website again, delivery to an alternate address
Now this is where things start to get good, this is where we add our special UPS qualities to the user experience
5. The website should not, on the landing page, say anything at all about any of the items in Para 4.a. to Para 4.c. inclusive (even though they have been boldly stated on the ticket.
6. It is possible that the user might not figure out that they should put the UPS InfoNotice Number in to the Track Packages and Freight box (because, after all, they’re not there to track packages, they’re there to arrange the redelivery of one), but if they do make this logical leap:
7. When the user puts the UPS InfoNotice Number in to the Track Packages and Freight box, the next screen the user gets should not under any circumstances say anything about redelivery options.
8. If, however, the user does make the massive intuitive leap that, in order to arrange a redlivery, they need to click on the View Package Progress link, we need to ensure that the next logical link, the one that says Choose Another Delivery Option does not work.
9. We also need to make sure that our call centre closes at 20.00 because, frankly, if our useless UPS users can’t be bothered to be home during the day then why do we want to speak to them, by the time they’ve struggled home?
10. And remember folks, that here at UPS those three little initials stand for Useless Parcel Service.
Have a good day.
UPS are indeed rubbish. I’ve dealt with them before. “Can you give me a specific delivery time or window?”, certainly madam it will be between 8 and 5. “That’s not very specific, that’s most of Wednesday”, It’s as specific as we can give you.
Thanks for that you useless twats. And the only time they’ll arrange for a redelivery of your package is another time when you’re at work. And don’t for god’s sakes use the automated voice service or your package will still be sitting inreception waiting for a monkey to pick it up 3 weeks after you put it there.
I share your pain, I’m stuck in waiting for a computer to be delivered today and I *have* to go down to Melvich at some point between 11.30 and 1 to drop the day’s orders at the post office. I’ve never heard of the courier company Dell are using to deliver it, but I’m hoping that they’ll sub-contract the final leg to the local guys, because they’ll happily leave £1k+ of bead stock in my unlocked annexe without a signature, so shouldn’t have any problems doing it with a £300 computer ;o)
Try City Link for a while.
You’ll think UPS are the bee’s knees after that.
“Undelivered Parcel Service” surely?
Know it well… Humpf
It’s the same in America. Sadly.