A Sleepy Conversation…

the final lunchtime post of the day: a transcript of a conversation between a sleepy but very Lovely S as she drives an equally sleepy B home one evening last week… we pick up the conversation at the point where we’re talking about one of our favourite topics: chavs

B: If we made it illegal for chavvy people to leave their homes they wouldn’t be able to go out anymore and then we wouldn’t have to see them.
S: Why would they listen to us?
B: Because we would be the law.
S: I am the law!
B: Like Judge Dredd.  And we could ride around on our special scooters and everything!
S: I’d like to make that stripey shirt illegal, it’s terrible.
B: Actually, that stripey shirt really is illegal.
S: (laughs) In some countries.
B: In this one! The Offences Against the Person Act 1947
S: (laughs) You’re so funny!
B: I’m being serious.
S: As soon as you add a date to something you think it validates it.
B: Of course it does!
S: No it isn’t. I’ve learned this. You do this even when it’s not true!
B: But it is true!

Pause while S puts her eyes back in her head…

S: Oh my! What, what did she have on?
B: (giggles)

Pause

B: It’s one minute past ten now and all of a sudden the pubs are full, but when we were in that one (he points as we drive past) – before we went to the second pub – it was empty. But the second pub was full when we got there yet when I went to the loo before we left it was empty too!
S: Ah, that’s because the locals go to the second pub first because it does such good food. Then they go to the first pub second so they can all get pissed.
B: I get the impression that having fooded themselves up in the second pub they all rolled away from their troughs with their little trotters in the air…
S: Like (sings) Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever a Spiderpig does. (laughs)

(there then followed a completely random conversation about Dudley Moore and the film Crazy People and how much The Lovely S loves the film. and then there’s a conversation about how far away Christmas is and then we go to birthdays)

S: … your birthday. Is it the fourth?
B: Yeah, apparently.
S: I had your present sorted before my birthday!
B: Ahh, bless you. Is it a trip to the old people’s home?
S: (gasp!) You’ve been looking under the bed again, haven’t you?
B: I have. I found the big box with ‘Bren’s birthday’ written on it.
S: (laughs)
B: And inside…
S: (laughs again)
B: …inside is some rope…
S: (laughs) Some gaffer tape.
B: Yeah, gaffer tape. A porn dvd…
S: And?
B: A blindfold
S: Wow, sounds like a good night to me!
B: And a ticket to the old people’s home open day.
S: Yay!
B: But you are going to pleasure me first.
S: (laughs)
B: And when my defences are down…
S: (laughs again) I can’t deny it.
B: I’m sorry, I should stop poking around in little boxes.
S: Except mine.
B: You have a very nice little box, it must be said.
S: My jewellery box?
B: Ummm, no.
(both laugh)

See?

That’s the kind of crazy kids we are.

Random conversations about all kinds of weird stuff. But don’t be fooled. We also do very deep, intensely serious conversations. Just not when we’re both dead tired.

B.