Remember those T-shirts?
They used to be on sale everywhere – at every beach-front retail outlet between Cumbria and Gran Canaria.
And good old Mum (or Dad) would crease up when they saw one and would buy it for their own particular brand of Kevin The Teenager, skulking around at home because s/he’d been left on their own even though s/he was offered the holiday with the aforementioned Parentals, because turning down trips to Majorca with them was what one did at that age. But since they’ve been gone it really hasn’t been that much fun and Fish & Chips every day gets boring after a while and there’s nothing on the telly and…
Gifts from afar, that’s where I’m going this evening.
On Friday I journeyed to the other side of the world country, battled my way through great adversity, braved jungles, crocodiles, angry rhinos and slightly annoyed OAPs in their Allegros as I travelled to parts hitherto uncharted.
Having made my goal (but slightly later than planned due to an encounter with a rampaging wildebeest just outside Sherwood Forest) I felt it would be noble of me to return with a ‘token’ for my Princess – a prize for she who be so fair.
Just as Drake brought back tobacco and potatoes to Elizabeth (hey Liz, try these! The one’s gonna kill you, the other’ll put pounds on your hips), it occurred to me, I too (intrepid explorer that I am) should capture a token of great value for She who has captured my heart.
Eventually, after much beating through the bush, I came upon a place where a wise and venerable man lived.
He sat, cloaked and cross-legged, beside a smouldering earth-fire outside his peat-built dwelling.
His stillness and silence projected knowledge and wisdom in almost overpowering quantities, he had an aura of great intellect.
I sat silently; eventually he acknowledged my presence with a nod.
I explained the quest I was undertaking for my Love.
Silence enveloped us once again as Yoda (for it was he!) pondered the imponderable.
The hours crept past like minutes days until the mighty one reached two fingers in to a small pocket on his cloak.
He placed a small, circular thing in my hand and in a halting voice he explained it was one of this planet’s oldest life-forms; he also said that no-one knew precisely how old it was but beings greater than himself put them at between 150,000,000 to 300,000,000 years old.
Wow.
Perhaps three hundred million years old?
I opened my mouth to ask a question but the mighty Yoda waved his hand, sleep overtook me and I lost consciousness.
I awoke driving my car down the M42, heading back towards civilisation. A bit worrying really – how had I got thus far on my return journey?
The spell had been so powerful that I’d forgotten my encounter with Yoda; failed to remember the small, circular gift for The Lovely S.
Until yesterday evening – at which time I did present the millions of years old gift at My Princesses Feet (metaphorically speaking, I was driving the car at the time, probably just lobbed it at her).
And now it sits in the family home; it inhabits a place of great stature (as befitting one so old) on the corner of the kitchen worktop.
As I stand here (avoiding the washing up) I am struck by the thought that this Being was probably alive before dinosaurs walked the planet.
It may even have been alive when the very first episode of Coronation Street was screened.
I am in the presence of magnificent greatness this evening my friends.
Oh yes.
B.