A time-wasting conversation

Get bloody going!

I can’t.

Why not?

I’ve got a bone in my leg. And look at my arm. See? It does that when I do that.

Everybody’s arm does that when you do that and the bone in the leg excuse is just pathetic. Get bloody going.

I’m tired.

Didn’t you sleep last night?

Yes.

Did you have a disturbed night?

No.

Did you have a late night?

No.

Why are you tired?

I’ve been up since 07.00.

And?

And… nothing. I’m just tired. And I don’t want to get dressed.

Look, get upstairs, have a shower. You’ll feel better after a shower.

I won’t. I’ll want to go back to bed after a shower.

Do you want to go back to bed now?

Yes please!

So go and have a shower, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to win.

I don’t want to win. I’m happy to let someone else do all the winning today.

You’ve got to get up to the yard.  You’ve got two horses that need exercising. You’ve got a mountain of tack to clean. And you’ve got to prepare the lorry for going show-jumping tomorrow.

I could do all that later?

If you don’t do it now you’ll find excuses not to do it later.

Can’t I find excuses not to do it now *and* not to do it later?

No. Get bloody going. Come on. Up those stairs and in to the shower.

But the podcast I’m listening to has five minutes left to run and…

Who is it?

The artist or the podcaster?

The podcaster.

Mica.

Oh yeah, I know her. Short, Portuguese, cute.

That’s the one.

Which artist is she playing right now?

Archive – The Empty Bottle (Controlling Crowds Part IV)

Oh. Nice! She really likes that Arcade Fire/Fanfarlo vibe, doesn’t she.

Yep. And it’s good!

It is good. OK, you can stay and listen to the last few minutes of this. And then you have to get upstairs, have a shower and a shave, get dressed and get out up to the yard, OK?

Ummm…

OK?

OK. But could I have a wank first?

No. You’ll just turn it in to another masturbatory marathon. And you’ll need all your strength for the horses. And I’ve just remembered. You need to cook tea so you’d better check if you need to go shopping. And you need to buy carrots for the horses because you’re out of those. So come on. Get a bloody move on.

The podcast’s finished.

I know. Lovely music.

Lovely.

Are you going to sit there all bloody morning?

Can I answer ‘yes’ to that?

Christ, you’re bloody infuriating sometimes.

It’s one of my most endearing qualities.

Don’t bet on it…