Surveying the horizon

From time to time I get surveys from YouGov. The surveys can be on anything, politics, economics, environment – you name it.

I’m currently working with a survey on ‘ethical and environmental issues’, which, I thought, could be thought-provoking and interesting.

Unfortunately, this particular survey is so shockingly-worded, the only thought-provoking going on in my head is just how rubbish the analyst who prepared the questions is at his/her job.

Many of the questions have no ‘opt out’ or ‘does not apply’ option which is stupid. That means that I have to choose the least incorrect answer, instead of saying ‘Well actually, this question does not apply to me’.

A large number of the questions contain no qualifying data – such as the one: ‘I’m trying to cut down on unnecessary car journeys’ where I have to score an answer in the range Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree. My only opt-out is ‘Don’t Know’.

Where’s the button that says ‘Who the fuck makes unnecessary car journeys in the first place?’, that’s what I want to know?

Here’s another one: ‘I drive an eco-friendly car’, which I have to score in the same range: Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree or Don’t Know.

You might know that I drive a 1.9TDCI-engined saloon which, some might say, is not an eco-friendly car.

But you might also know that I regularly – REGULARLY – get a return of 40-45mpg from it and last week (and again this week) easily achieved trips of over 54mpg.

Now to me that really *is* an eco-friendly car. Those figures are tremendously more ‘eco-friendly’ than the Pious.

Sorry, Prius.

And yet, if I tick the box for having an eco-friendly car I will be giving false information – and there’s enough false information coming out of Westminster alone, without me adding to the ever-increasing mountain of bullshit.

Here’s another example of laziness, the question is: ‘Please tell us which of the following you either do or have at home?’, which is scored against the answers: Already do/have; Will do in the next 12 months; Don’t do; Definitely will not do; Don’t know/Not applicable.

That last response troubles me before I’ve even started looking at the questions, but I battle on.

Q. Use a water butt for the garden. I want to put ‘Not applicable’ but if I tick that box the person analysing the response might think I’m saying ‘Don’t know’. Hmm.

Q. Install cavity wall insulation. I want to put ‘Already got it’ but do I tick the ‘Not Applicable’ box and have my answer potentially counted as a ‘Don’t know’?

Q. Install double glazing. I want to put ‘Already got it throughout the house’, but again I’m faced with only being able to tick a box which opens the answer up to misinterpretation.

Here’s another: ‘Which of the following are you already doing or would/would not consider doing?’

Bearing in mind the context of the survey, the question ‘Taking fewer baths’ leaps out at me because, in this house, we probably draw one bath a month. But, to go back to context again, the reason we take so few baths is because we shower every day – we prefer showers though, it’s nothing to do with environmental concerns. I have two (occasionally three) showers a day, and not because of any of the focusses of this survey.

So again, I’m forced to giving the least incorrect answer. More laziness from the analyst who set the questions.

The question ‘Keeping a compost heap’ similarly allows me only to give an incorrect answer; ‘Does not apply’ isn’t there for me to put as my answer. I can say ‘Don’t know’ which, frankly, is utter nonsense.

Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy.

It’s a simple fact that a survey has to engage with its audience. If it doesn’t engage, the respondent will lose the connection and will either give up, or will just tick boxes at random.

And that’s where my head has gone.

I’m now reduced to selecting the least wrong answer in almost every section, and all because someone behind the scenes at YouGov lacked the ability to think straight.