It’s 06.25 on 30th December 2007, we’re in our hotel in Spain’s Sierra Nevada mountains, Andalusia (Europe’s 2nd highest range – after The Alps).
The Lovely S has just got out of bed, thrown on some clothes and gone hunting/gathering for some water.
She’s taken two empty bottles to the mountain spring, half a dozen paces from the door to our wing of the hotel.
I’m unsure why we’re both awake, given the earliness of the hour and the blackness of the day outside.
But the thirstiness must be related to the very salty Pan de Ajo we had as our starter last night.
As I lie here and wait for The Lovely S to return I mull over how the visit to see Daughter is going.
My summary is ‘all in all, pretty well’.
However, there are small signs that my Ex is slowly poisoning my daughter’s mind.
Yesterday Daughter started to say to The Lovely S, ‘Mum and I feel sorry for…’ then changed it to ‘I feel sorry for you S, being married to Dad’.
This is typical of my Ex.
She is a selfish, self-obsessed, poisonous-minded bitch.
That she’s being so blatant about polluting Daughter’s mind with her own hateful, spiteful behaviours and attitudes saddens – but completely unsurprises – me.
There have been other instances, other half-started, repeated conversations that Daughter has quickly realised might be hurtful so has altered or aborted them in mid-flow.
I don’t know what to do about it – I strongly suspect there is nothing I can do; no real option but to let my Ex get away with murdering my character behind my back.
The night before last, instead of being in the house when we returned Daughter home, my Ex was in a bar with a group of her friends – all ex-pats.
The fact they were all ex-pats saddens me a little too.
I’m sure they’re a perfectly lovely little coven.
My Ex is showing the selfish, spiteful behaviours that are so typical of her normal demeanour that it makes me uncomfortable just being near her.
I left the bar with the feeling that I’d been viewed, adjudicated and judged wanting – all with no opportunity to bring a case for the defence.
I wonder what half-truths and blatant lies she’s telling them.
But yesterday my Ex went shopping in El Ejido to buy a new laptop.
It’s good to know that the £1,000 a month I’m giving her is being so well used.
I wonder if she tells her little coven how generously she’s being supported…
No I don’t. I know the answer to that one straight away.
It’s no wonder that for all of the years that my Ex and I lived together I was so dreadfully unwell.
B.
I feel sorry for your daughter, Brennig. Chances are that when she’ll be older she’ll realize what her mum is doing… but it’s still sad that as she lives with her not with you, there isn’t much you can do about it yourself.
PS : I love Andalusia. From the mountains to the biggest cities (but as a tourist obviously).
Hi Brennig, Happy New Year! I agree with Citronella, if your daughter is half as smart as she looks, she will figure it out when she’s older. All children are inquisitive even more so when their older. The thing is, the more your ex tries to poison here against you, the more likely she is to rebel and try and find out your side. As long as your daughter knows that you and the lovely S love her patience, however hard right now, will prevail. I know it’s hard right now but it will come good. Don’t worry about what she said to her friends either, you know you love and support your daughter, what does it matter what they think, chances are they might also see her for what she really is. I believe in, karma, what goes around, definately comes around!
I better start praying that I finish this TMA for friday, unwitting testimony my backside, who thinks of this crap, well other than that geezer that says revoloootion on the cd. Start the new year smiling! Mel x
This is surely always such a tricky and painful area for a seperated husband and wife and it must be very rare for these all too common family breakups to be truly amicable, despite all the best intentions.
The person who leaves the relationship will often (rightly or wrongly) be seen as having ‘poisoned’ the family. Then the partner who is given or accepts the huge responsibility of the child/children has the ‘advantage’ when it comes to bonding with said child/children and in putting there side of the story.
At the end of the day it is down to each partner to avoid with all their power the temptation to continue the fight and to use the child as a battleground. At the risk of sounding Christian (though it would be topical)try turning the other cheek on this one mate and focus on your daughter. The only way out is to not rise to the bait.
Thus ends the sermon according to Harry.
I’ve been married twice – now single – and I’ve been on the receiving end by my first wife plus I was the product of my parent’s broken marriage and saw the unpleasantness first-hand from inside the storm of recriminations and back-biting.
You have to let this kind of thought crime wash over you a bit and *really* resist the temptation to fight back. Positive comments by yourself, highlighting your ex’s good points (or a good pretense if you can’t think of any) goes a long way towards normalising things in general and also serves to demonstrate the unfairness of your ex in a way that will become obvious to your daughter as she grows up. Looks like you both love each other to bits anyway.
This saddens me. She sounds like a nightmare. Your girls are both beautiful! Happy New Year.