When is something not new?

I had a phone call the other week.

It was a sales call. We are ex-directory, unlisted and registered with the Telephone Preference Service, but these days the sellers get around these mitigations by calling to offer ‘enhanced’ services from companies we already receive goods or services from.

In this case…

BT.

As if we haven’t had enough issues with BT for the last six months – you know how it goes:

  • the phone rings
  • you pick up the handset, and…
  • you hear a ringing tone, which is quickly
  • answered by a person in a call centre

Sigh.

Can I speak to Mr Jones please?

You are.

Hello, it’s Mandy from BT, how are you today?

Have you just rung up for a chat, Mandy? Are you so concerned for my mental and physical welfare that you just took the decision to give me a call out of the blue? Perhaps because you had heard I might be feeling a little bit grumpy today, and you wanted to cheer me up? To wish me well? No?

I’m calling to tell you about our new service – BT Vision.

Two things, Mandy. Firstly we already have it. What I mean by that is that we are an existing customer of both BT and BT Vision. We have been receiving the BT Vision service for a couple of years.

Secondly, Mandy, it isn’t new. It can’t be *new* because, as I’ve already said, we’ve had the service for a couple of years.

Do you know what happened next?

Mandy entered in to a philosophical debate with me around the very loose definition she – and therefore BT – applied to the word ‘new’.

Something is new, said Mandy, if someone had not heard of it before.

This is clearly utter bollocks.

According to Mandy’s (and therefore BT’s view), if I had a Ford Model-T which rolled off the production line decades before you, dear reader, were born, it is – according to Mandy’s definition – brand spanking new. If you weren’t aware of my ownership of it beforehand.

She went on to say, ‘The service *is* new to people who haven’t heard of it before’. That’s a quote.

But I have heard of it. In fact I’ve been subscribed to it for years. And yet you, Mandy, ring me up and tell me this service which I’ve been receiving, for years, is new?

Doesn’t this strike you as being dishonest, Mandy?

No.

And that’s a quote too.

6 thoughts on “When is something not new?

  1. I totally HATE those calls! In America, during political campaigns, we get an average of 4 automated calls per day. I hate the ones you are talking about who say, “How are you today?” as if they really care! I just want to say, “Get on with it then!” Have you experienced this in a fast-food drive-thru? You pull up to the speaker and they say, “How are you today?” when you just want to order! Mostly they say, “Welcome to McDonald’s, would you like to try our super un-healthy grease burger today?” NO!!! Just ask me what I want!!

    Sorry. You got me started. I need some more coffee.

  2. BT are the worst company I’ve ever dealt with. However in this instance, maybe they are punishing you for not marking their questionnaire to the standard they wanted 😉

    Expect the call asking if you’d like a BT phone line tomorrow…

  3. Every couple of months I get a call from a software company I have dealings with. They always start with a “Hi, my name’s Colin. How are you today?” line.

    When last they rang, I was in a silly mood and I replied with “Not too good actually, Colin. I have this pain behind my knee which is giving me real grief.”

    “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m ringing today to tell you about our latest…”

    “It hurts whenever I come down the stairs, but it’s alright going up. Funny that, isn’t it?”

    “Yeah, it is. I hope it gets better soon. Meantime I’d like to tell you about…”

    “And I keep getting a pain in my foot. The wife thinks it may be gout.”

    “Oh…”

    I kept this up for at least three minutes. I swear he was close to hanging up on me before I gave in and let him have his turn.

    I’m too nice, sometimes.

  4. Masher, for the best response to a cold-caller you win these Pringles. Or you would do if I hadn’t just eaten the last.

    Cyn, they haven’t called yet! But I wouldn’t put it past them.

    SLe, coffee would be good about now.

  5. I always hang up whenever I hear it’s so and so from this and that company. It’s funny because BT have got just about the worst customer service when you actually have a problem and want someone to help out.

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