Inking up, getting words down and getting frustrated

When the relationship fallout from the sham of my marriage started, you know, falling out, Ash advised me to use my emotions and write.

And he was right, of course.

It was nice of him to recognise the creative forces of such raw emotion, and good of him to suggest that I do what I was already doing.

But, after a review of everything I’ve written since I started unpicking the lies of my soon-to-be-ex-wife to get at the truth of what she’d been up to behind my back, it is unfortunate that so much of what I wrote is unusable.

Being consumed by deep, dark anger; being driven by a mist of red rage, well, it just doesn’t produce good writing.

Angry, bitter, hateful, spiteful, hurtful writing, yes. But nothing usable.

The revenge motivation was, at the peak of my anger, almost 100% of *me*.

And at the other end of the scale, the depths of depression did not produce anything lucid.

Emotional, yes. Lucid? No.

But there are things, between the two, that are not too shabby.

I rewrote – or perhaps that should be ‘reversioned’ ‘Shelved’ twice.

The angry version reads like a Sam Peckinpah film.

The depressed version reads like a suicide-candidate’s aspiration.

But last night, whilst driving back from that London, via other places and having enjoyed the company of friends, the funnies started bubbling in to my head.

I had my recorder in the car, as usual, so I switched it on and burbled away as I drove.

I have just finished listening to last night’s recording which is, essentially, almost two hours of me giggling like a 10-year old, as I attempt to dictate an almost endless stream of anecdotes.

None of this material is for ‘Shelved’ which, frankly, I consider finished (or as close to being finished as I can get it).

But I tapped in to a ream of new material, last night, which I’m going to play with for next few weeks.

I still wish I could write sex, but I’m unsure about how to go about working on and refining this one missing facet (whether writing in an emotional state or not!).

I just have to try and figure out what the 14th dictated anecdote is. It sounds like the missing words are ‘nun’, ‘aardvark’ and ‘bicycle’.

The company of friends has so many benefits.

Clarity of speech isn’t one of them, apparently.

Oh well.