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I love the internet! This is what you (or perhaps people like you. Or perhaps people unlike you) have been googling over the last two weeks.

The top three by category are (highest number of searches first):

1: Dogging. This includes:
- dogging
- dogging laybys
- dogging cotswold water park

2: Open University. This includes:
- a103 tma07 don juan
- a103 tma07
- man reading
- wide sargasso sea pygmalion

3: Tiscali. This includes:
– why are Tiscali so shit?
- letter of complaint tiscali
- why can’t i cancel tiscali contract?

And now for my favourite randoms:
- jodhpurs spanking
Is that ‘I’ve got a spanking pair of jodhpurs’? Or do you mean it in a Max Mosely kind of way?

- can i drive in france on a provisional licence
No of course you can’t. Have you even looked at your insurance? You know, insurance? I.N.S.U.R… oh forget it.

- my ipod keeps reseting when i play phase the rhythum game
Well stop playing the stupid fucking game then, der! And learn to spell rhythm.

- dying for a wee
I would suggest you urinate before you burst. If this instruction is beyond your capabilities please don’t see me for details

- gloucester slut
That’s about 85% of the female population of Gloucester…

- driving the car wanking
Are you serious? I have enough trouble driving the car with a hardon, the thought of whipping it out and having a wank whilst driving fills me with fear!

- david payne pa*dophil* (without the asterisks!)
For some reason there have been a tremendous level of googles to this criteria over the last two weeks. If anyone knows why please let me know, given who this person is and what part they’ve played in a certain saga, I’d be very interested in finding out what the story is.

- eminem poet
What’s not to disagree with? He is a poet, an excellent urban poet.

- not overtaking on dual carriageway on driving test
Well that’s just fucking stupid isn’t it? Why do you think the instructors put you in a dual carriageway? Because it’s a dry run for motorway driving. And if you can’t overtake you shouldn’t be behind the wheel of the car. Der.

- is Anna Pickard sexy?
Is the pope a Catholic? Of course she’s sexy. Every single one of us is sexy.

- what does british law say about speeds when towing light trailers?
British law says that all trailers have been banned and people caught using them will be executed on the spot. Take that you fuckers.

- how to driving threw deep water
Before you get in your car/van/lorry I’d stop with the throwing water around.

- chavs birthday presents
The perfect birthday presents for a chav would be a sackful of Boots own-brand makeup and a large garden trowel to apply the products.

That’s it for now. Happy googling everybody!

B.