A funny thing happened on the way to the office

Warning: there may be instances of severe bad language in this post. This post has been edited because some browsers couldn’t cope with the table of information

At 06.44 on Thursday 14th May 2009 I was in my car in a line of moving traffic just released from the traffic lights at the entrance to the Thornhill park and ride outside Oxford. I was following a White Toyota Hiace van in to the car park.

The Toyota van attempted to drive at significant speed under the height restriction barrier at the entrance to the car park. The van was carrying an aluminium triple-ladder set. On a roof-rack. The height-restriction barrier lightly scraped the roof of the Toyota and completely removed the roof-rack and the three ladders.

The ladders were swept back off the Toyota and flung in to the side of my vehicle. Had I been travelling quicker or been closer to the van the ladders would have come through my car windscreen.

The apparent damage caused to my car is bodywork; dents and paint damage to the drivers-side wing and a loosening of the light cluster, but I need to get the car to a garage for a full damage assessment.

I took photographs of the damage and of both vehicles to make available to the insurance and police investigators.

I exchanged details with the driver of the Toyota Hiace who was identified as Mr Tichatonga Nyenya, a Zimbabwean national who holds a UK driving licence. Mr Nyenya assured me that he was insured to drive the van but he didn’t have his details with him.

An hour after reporting the incident, my insurer called me back to inform me that Mr Tichatonga Nyenya, the driver of the Toyota Hiace was uninsured and, as such, if I made an insurance claim I would lose my no claims bonus. As he was an uninsured driver I was also not eligible for a free rental car during repairs.

But it doesn’t end there!

After a pretty shitty day at work I left the office and got on the bus home. I get on the bus at the first stop. Guess who got on the bus at the second stop? Yes indeedy, it was none other than Mr Tichatonga Nyenya.

As the coach zoomed up the M40 I rang the police and explained the earlier incident. I then explained to the police that Mr Nyenya was on the coach and would, in all probability, be getting in his van and driving home. As an uninsured driver.

The police were very interested.

We arranged that a traffic car would meet the coach on arrival at the Park and Ride, I would identify Mr Tichatonga Nyenya to them and they would have a conversation about insurance.

The first fly in the ointment was that Mr Tichatonga Nyenya was obviously aware that something was up, he feigned sleep for the entire journey and when the coach arrived at the park and ride he sneaked off and disappeared.

The second fly in the ointment was that the traffic car was held up on the Oxford ring road.

I wandered up to Mr Nyenya’s van and took an additional photograph of the three ladders by the side of the van. The traffic car rang to say they were only a couple of minutes away.

I was in the midst of telling the constable that Mr Tichatonga Nyenya had vanished when I suddenly saw him wandering (trying to be nonchalant about it) up the car park back towards his van.

And yes, he saw me.

And also… yes, because he really is not the sharpest tool in the box, Mr Tichatonga Nyenya got in his van and drove out of the car park.

Just as the traffic car pulled in.

The police officers saw Mr Tichatonga Nyenya’s van, put the blues on and pursued him down the A40.

A couple of hours later I had another phone call from the traffic car. The [female] officer (who had a tall, leggy blonde voice) informed me that they had stopped Mr Tichatonga Nyenya’s van and ran the usual checks which confirmed that Mr Tichatonga Nyenya had no insurance.

Mr Tichatonga Nyenya’s van has been impounded. He will have to pay a hefty fine to get it back (or get any of his belongings out of it) and he now faces the usual legal penalties for being apprehended driving whilst uninsured.

As to the matter of my own claim against Mr Tichatonga Nyenya, my insurance company is going to pursue him and, if necessary, send bailiffs to recover the cost of repairing my car.

You might think that Mr Tichatonga Nyenya of 124 Bluebell Way, Carterton, Oxfordshire (which, by the way, is also the registered address of the Limited company that owns the van – Turnaround Lives Ltd!) is a complete and utter cunt, I couldn’t possibly comment.

I also notice that Mr Tichatonga Nyenya either is or at least was listed as the officer in charge of Amber House care home, 25/27 Norreys Road, Didcot, OX11 0AT.

I can’t help wondering if Ashamber Homes Ltd, the owner of Amber House care home are aware that Mr Tichatonga Nyenya is a law-breaker and that he provides people (me!) with false information (that he was insured when the reverse is true) and is a person with no regard for the law.

I just hope the next time Mr Tichatonga Nyenya is crossing the road he gets hit. By an uninsured driver.