Since we moved in to this house, almost two years ago, we have had a running battle with every cat in the parish.
The house, you see, was a brand spanking new build.
Prior to being underneath a house, the plot of land was just an open plot of land.
So every cat in the parish, for the last three thousand years, has been coming to this corner of the countryside for its daily dump, twice-daily piss and nightly shag.
But now there’s a house here. A house with beautifully tended gardens. Gardens that are surrounded by 2m-high, wood-panelled fencing.
2m-high, wood-panelled fencing which, unfortunately, the dumping, pissing, shagging cats have been scaling, in order to continue their dumping, pissing and shagging activities.
In our garden.
Mythbuster #1:
Cats do not bury their shit. They leave their smelly parcels of poo all over the place, just waiting for some unsuspecting foot to descend upon them. Also, cat shit is not odourless.
Mythbuster #2:
Cat piss is also not odourless. It stinks to high heaven. In warm weather our garden smells worse than a public convenience at Glastonbury music festival – after a weekend of full-on toilet-related action.
Mythbuster #3:
Cats do not shag quietly at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon. They creep around the garden at 2am yowling in heat, as if someone had run a stake through one of their limbs. Which, frankly, is what I feel like doing – at that time of the day.
So the cats need to be controlled.
They need to be stopped from climbing over the fences and coming in to our garden.
But how?
If they were dogs or goats or horses or rats or frogs or giraffes, I could ring up West Oxfordshire District Council and the matter would be taken care of.
But cats, apparently, are exempt the same rules of behaviour and containment that applies to dogs and goats and horses and rats (etc).
Which, frankly, is weird.
Because why should we have to put up with the feral, roaming, pissing, dumping, shagging exploits of someone else’s pets?
Why should pet-owners be expected to have no control over their pets?
I have written to the local newspaper asking cat-owners to consider the problem.
I have written to a national newspaper (the Daily Mail), setting out my dilemma.
I have written to the RSPCA asking for their thoughts on the problem.
All three organisations have chosen to ignore me – probably dismissed me as a crank, either not realising the scale of the problem, or not wishing to address the elephant in the room that is the lack of control of cats.
And yet, when the Daily Mail recently published a story about a gardener who put down poison to stop invading cats from destroying his crop – and I commented, in understanding tones, in favour of his actions – the gardener (and I) were both ostracised by Daily Mail commenters.
Hmmm…
We have tried various things to keep the furry vermin from pissing, dumping and shagging in our garden – even though it seems totally bizarre that we are forced to spend money to control someone else’s pet!
But the nice, friendly solutions have all failed.
However, a well-aimed handful of stone scalpings seems to be paying dividends.
Whenever one of the pissing, dumping, shagging little darlings appears in the garden, they get bombarded, courtesy of my best cricket-ball-throwing arm, with a painful warning not to return.
And do you know something?
The message is slowly getting through.
So this morning I’m sitting in my lounge, with the french doors open, watching a pair of pigeons and a handful of smaller birds hopping around the garden looking for food.
And that’s something that we are seeing more of.
And I like this scene.
Water cannon. We had a similar problem with two particular cats, one of which kept leaving its shit in the flower bed then standing on next doors shed roof and winding up my dog. Until my friend who is a vet informed me that cats HATE water. So I bought one of those high power super-soaker things. they have a very impressive range I can tell you and the dog might not be able to reach the shed roof but the water gun certainly can. And did. We’ve not seen either of them for a while but I’m not getting rid of the water gun just yet…
As a cat owner I do feel for you, although I can tell you cats are not controllable like dogs.
We are lucky “possibly strange description of luck’ in that our cats are so lazy they go in out garden but at least it keeps the neighbours happy.
I certainly agree with the previous comment that a water gun is the way forward, if I though a neighbour had hit one of my cats with a stone I would start going to the toilet in their garden myself…..
It’s not often that I agree with the Daily Mail and it’s readers….
It actually makes me feel unclean….
feel free to turn the water gun on me…..
Vicola beat me to it – you need a supersoaker. It’s a lot more fun than gravel!
As well as the naughty spaniel we’ve got two mogs, and you’re right,cat shit and pee is not nice stuff.
Ours tend to use the large field next to our house, but Vicola and Caroline are right, get yourself a monster supersoaker and blast away to your heart’s content. It won’t hurt, but cats aren’t stupid and they’ll get the message fairly swiftly.
I’ll add to the water theory. We’ve used it to train our and neighbours’ cats. Just hope you don’t have a Maine Coon around – they actually like water.
A super soaker is the way to go. Long range and a concentrated stream. The best results are to get it without you being seen. Best of all it is completely harmless to the cats (physically, anyway). If practical you can also use a bucket (or even a glass if you’re accurate) from a high window.
Lots of people have beat me to it. The only way is water. Keep chasing them with it, it doesnt matter if you are seen. Stare the buggers down. I do it to my own cats and it doesnt hurt them, just gives them a fright!
And just who do you think propagates these myths? CATS!!
Cats – ugh revolting creatures. I don’t know if this is true, but apparently, if you put down lion manure in your garden, it scares them off because of the hierarchy / territory thing.
Actually, thinking about it, it does sound like bullshit, but worth a try… what else are you going to do with all the spare Lion shit you have knocking around?
I’ve grown up with cats. I was never under the illusion that any of their ‘doings’ were odourless. They DO bury their business, but some aren’t very good at it, or can’t find anywhere to do a proper job. A patch of loose earth may be a solution. The other solution is to get one of your own. Unlike dogs, they don’t need someone around a lot of the time so they are low maintenance.
Annie, you’re missing out. Cats are only revolting when people (or lack of people) make them that way. I’ve known many cats in my life – lived with 7 of them in my 40 years and known many more – and whilst they can be cantankerous, even bitchy, they bond with people just as much as dogs do. We’ve had several cats that will hang around with you when you get very sick, and there’s really nothing quite like a warm bundle of purr with you when you feel like shit.
Oh, and as for the shagging – make sure you get the owners neutered. All domestic cats should be neutered. If that’s too expensive, then they shouldn’t have a cat.
Chaps, thanks very much for your input – and your suggestions, which have been most inventive.
But here’s my problem – and please bear with me, for it is a simple problem.
Without exception, all of the suggestions revolve around me – the wronged, the trespassed against, the innocent party – shelling out money and taking some kind of additional physical effort and action.
That, surely, is wrong.
Why is it up to me to control *someone else’s fucking animals*?
The answer ‘because it is’ is not acceptable. If, as I said, the problem was being caused by dogs or some other kind of domestic animal, I could invoke the local authority who would turn up and take action.
But because the troublemakers are a herd of cats that belong to other people, *I* am expected to take action? *I* am expected to incur expense?
This is plainly lunatic logic. If someone owns an animal – it doesn’t matter what species – they are legally responsible for that animal. To abrogate this legal responsibility by offering a defence of ‘Well, it’s only cats. And they’re not really domesticated’ is equally lunatic. If the moggie belongs to you, you are responsible for it. That’s the law even though cat-owners prefer to take a softer line than, say, dog owners would be allowed, because their logical vision is clouded by cuteness and obscured by a marked lack of objectivity.
I feel that setting baited cat-traps, and hauling the captured moggies off to some charity, from whence the owners – if they are ever identified – have to pay a fee to retrieve the little darlings, is in order.
Come on cat-owners. Man up. Take some responsibility for your animals. If you can’t take the responsibility of being an owner, you shouldn’t own the creatures.
Having been a cat owner for over 19 years I can honestly say I have had only one complaint – and that from a naive neighbour who thought our cats were ‘intimidating’ theirs.
I don’t know much about the animals of Britain, but here in NZ we’re more likely to find possum poo than cat or dog. Possums, 1.5lb native pigeons, many urban birds, rats, mice and millions of insects inhabit ‘our’ section. Many of the birds will sit in the trees above the washing line and shit on the washing so I have to keep those trees trimmed back. Some of the birds are protected by law, most are not. The only animals any authority will do anything about is dogs – or anything else large enough – which can cause serious harm to humans. Cats do not fit in that category and nor do any of those other animals. I have heard of government conservation officers killing magpies (in NZ it’s the name we use for something more like a rook/raven/crow) – when they are a danger to humans (they dive on you and peck your head if you get too close to a nest).
Where possible I will step in (often literally) to stop any of my cats fighting any other cats or attempting to catch wildlife. I used water to keep out some cats who developed a penchant for entering our house – they no longer come in – and I use it to discourage my cats from undesirable behaviour.
A cat is just another animal and there are established ways to deal with it. ‘Ownership’ is beside the point unless and until it becomes dangerous.
I am typing this paragraph one-handed as one of my cats has just come in and jumped up for a cuddle. They are wonderful creatures. The Egyptians worshipped them. But they are animals and they will behave the way they do ‘just because’.
I could say that I don’t understand why you incarcerate horses, tie them up in bits of leather and try to bend them to your own will for the fun of it, but that would be grossly unfair. I do understand the bond you have and the mutual benefit that is derived. (Really, I have zero problem with horse ownership & riding – just trying to make a point.)
The difference between a pet and a pest is whether it is wanted – not what type of creature it is.
Why is it up to me to control *someone else’s fucking animals*?
The answer ‘because it is’ is not acceptable. If, as I said, the problem was being caused by dogs or some other kind of domestic animal, I could invoke the local authority who would turn up and take action.
And that is the root of your problem – under English and Welsh law, the cat is a wild animal, not a domestic one.
(Also a cat lover here, by the way! We just happen to have dogs at the moment and the oldest one isn’t cat friendly, so while she’s with us I’m a cat-free household :o( )
Allister, good thoughts, thanks. But on the point of cats causing harm, am I completely mistaken that cat faeces can cause blindness? The word Toxoplasma or Toxoplasmosis comes to mind. If I wasn’t so knackered I’d google it.
And horses are a good example which I’ll entertain, but I will keep in context. As the owner of two horses I am legally responsible for any damage or distress that might be caused, should either escape. That’s why I had to spend over £1,000 building an ‘escape-proof’ enclosure. I appreciate that cats are cute fluffy things, in fact I’ve owned a few in my time, but I also appreciate that they’re cute fluffy things when they’re not invading someone’s garden and crapping all over it. In Spain I would be able to tot out the shotgun and drop the animal for trespassing, no questions asked.
There seems to be an inequality here, in English law at least, that if a neighbour’s dog, goat, giraffe, herd of Wildebeest repeatedly jumped the fence in to our garden and used the place as a toilet, not only could I have the dog, goat, giraffe, herd of Wildebeest removed from the owner, but I could prosecute the owner. Yet cats are exempt this logic.
Caroline, is that really the case? That cats are classified as being wild, whilst dogs are not? Do we really need any more examples that the law truly is an ass? I shall change this legal definition immediately!
Caroline, is that really the case? That cats are classified as being wild, whilst dogs are not? Do we really need any more examples that the law truly is an ass? I shall change this legal definition immediately!
Kind of. I’ve been trying to pin down the actual law involved because for some things, e.g. theft or neglect of a cat, they’re regarded as domestic animals. According to this leaflet by the Cats’ Protection League:
http://www.catspro-northants.org.uk/leaflets/law.pdf
Trespass
Since cats are excluded from the definitions of ‘livestock’ and ‘cattle’ under the Animals Act 1971, they cannot be held guilty of trespass under civil law and, therefore, their owners or keepers cannot be liable for any damage done.
If you have a dog, you can take it out for walks, and you can put it in your garden and be relatively sure it won’t be able to escape. Cats are nothing like this – the only way to control them is to keep them in a cage. If you don’t want to be cruel, you have to let them have their freedom – a little like teenagers really.
I’m sure that if those cat owners are reasonable people, they will buy you a water gun, or cat repellant powder, or whatever else you need to keep the critters off your land without hurting them. And I’m sure that, likewise, if you’re a reasonable person, you won’t take these cats away from families that adore them.
My grandad swears by putting wedges of lemon around his garden to keep cats away, he says they hate citrus. I have no idea if this actually works or not but it might be worth a try? Good luck getting rid of them! 🙂
My belaboured (and possibly missing) point is that there are many different types of animal which need to be treated in many different ways because of their natural behaviours. Granted the UK laws do seem a bit messy around cats, but regardless of the laws that humans attempt to apply and enforce, cats are cats.
You can’t train a cat where to ‘go’ (in both senses of the word). Even our Maine Coon – who is very intelligent and trained to do some actions on command – cannot be constrained once he is outside. Could I spend thousands of dollars putting up fences to prevent him getting out? Probably yes, but my cats live in my house, so it’s entirely impractical. Could I keep them inside the whole time? Whilst I’ve heard of this in the U.S. I think it is a cruel treatment for cats. Akin to keeping Tom & Vin in a stable the whole time.
As for the danger of cat poo – surely any other animal’s excrement poses a danger too? In fact, we keep getting reminded that it is entirely likely we will catch legionnaire’s disease from potting mix – so those tended gardens pose a threat too!
The only potential law for cats that I can accept is that they not be allowed as pets. Much as I hate that idea, they do pose a threat to local wildlife. I keep my cats inside at night, partly for their own protection, partly for the local wildlife’s protection – as they hunt most successfully at night.
Question: If you ride a horse on a public road and it takes a dump on that road, what, if anything, does the law say about it?
With regard to Allister’s closing question I am desperately trying to relate this back to the point of the topic; surely this is wandering? Where is the similarity between an animal defecating in a public place, and a collective of animals trespassing on to someone’s private property to defecate there? These must be seen as two different situations where comparisons can’t be made?
At the risk of being seen as copping out, can I just say that I’m obviously *not* going to poison or shoot the little darlings. But for me, because I am cursed with a linear logic, the inequalities with which one breed of what is plainly a domestic animal is treated, in the eyes of the (English) law, is a stark example of the need to redress the balance.
Observing this phenomenon has enabled me to understand why people, who don’t want someone else’s possessions to trespass across their property, have put poison out in their own garden.
I believe that if I thought I saw a rat scurry under the fence (my neighbour has cut their back lawn once in two years, so this is not beyond the realms of possibility!) I would be perfectly entitled to lace some chicken portions with rat poison and my offending kitty problem would soon be no more.
But I won’t.
I will, however, continue to defend my property with the occasional handful of stone scalpings because this treatment is yielding a significant improvement.
At that point I’d like to draw a line under what is a sensitive subject.
But I do hope the question ‘What, precisely, does my cat get up to during the day when I’m at work?’ has been raised in more than one cat owner’s consciousness.
Thanks.