I have been doing further thinking on my quest to find new ‘instant hit’ TV shows.
Following on from last week’s ‘Antique Roadshow Rewind‘, this week I’d like to look at the semi-sporting world of pub games.
In particular, darts.
The sport game of Darts is, to the outsider, a bit tame totally fucking tedious.
But how to liven up the spectacle of two men (who may or may not be seriously overweight) throwing Lilliputian javelins at a glorified RAF roundel?
My first thought was ‘Rottweilers!’ How about two darts players, in a cage, throwing for the highest score against the clock?
The mad-as-a-box-of-snakes Rottweilers are held at bay by a gate that is on a timer.
Both darts players would be harnessed up to a safety rig and, as the clock counts down to the last second, the player with the highest score gets whisked up out of the pit…
As the door to the Rottweiler’s cage drops, leaving the loser to a messy fate.
But then I thought ‘Nah, that wouldn’t work. The RSPCA would complain about something’.
So I started looking for a threat that would bring escalating levels of excitement.
A threat that would bring danger, tension and, yes, television ratings – to an otherwise dull spectacle.
And one that wouldn’t jeopardise any animals.
It came to me.
A compression chamber should be used as the setting for ‘Dart Explosion!’
We put our two dartists in to a large compression/decompression chamber. They have 90-seconds to achieve the highest score, and as the countdown gets closer and closer to the conclusion, the oxygen is pumped out of the compression chamber!
A hatch will open in front of the winner and they’ll get an oxygen mask. The loser gets… a vacuum.
What do you think?
Anyone for a game of extreme darts?
Lions and Christians. Simple rules, low tech, never before on TV.
I think we’re overcomplicating things.
The biggest issue most people have with darts is that it isn’t a ‘sport’, as it’s mainly compromised of fat fat fatties.
How do we get around this? Simple; replace the ocky with a giant treadmill. Instantly it gets an athletic angle, and you’ll be surprised how entertaining watching an 18-stone man with a dart in one hand and a pint in the other hand – wobbling about on the treadmill with all the grace of Bambi on ice – trying to hit a treble 19, double 8 checkout is.
Sounds good to me.
Throw in a few B-list celebs, put the whole thing on ice and you have a Saturday night ratings winner, methinks.
I think you’re all on the right lines. And Masher’s simple approach is awesome. We shall make it so!
Fuck Bren, have you ever read ‘Roger Melly the man on Telly’ in Viz? Ha ha… playing darts in zero gravity isn’t going to take off. Or is that famous last words?!
Annie, I *am* Roger Melly. Bollocks 🙂