What would Churchill say?

Winston Spencer, the wartime British leader. Not the monosyllabic puppet dog off of the insurance adverts from the actual television*

Churchill famously said, on the occurence of events: The first time it’s happenstance, the second time it’s coincidence, the third time it’s enemy action.

So what would the great wartime leader say if one person did the following things to one other person in a single afternoon?

1. While I’m grooming my horse, don’t tie yours up behind and proceed to bath it with a hosepipe. Because you would be above us – on the downwards sloping concrete pad. Because the water would swill down and my horse and I would have to paddle in your run-off and that would be inconsiderate. Wouldn’t it?

2. When you turn on the hosepipe don’t point it at me, because then I’d have to spend the rest of my time at the yard with a wet foot where you sprayed my shoe with a full burst from the hosepipe because that would be inconsiderate. Wouldn’t it?

3. When I move my horse to the far side of the bay away from the mini-replica of the Amazon delta you’ve been creating beneath our feet, don’t dry off your horse’s tail by swishing it around, helicopter fashion, splashing my horse, me and my tack, in your excess water, because that would be inconsiderate. Wouldn’t it?

4. Security is an admirable goal but when I’m still on the yard don’t double-lock the security door on the tack room, because that would be inconsiderate. Wouldn’t it?

5. And when you do this inconsiderate thing of putting the main combination lock on the tack room, don’t put it on the wrong way round, forcing whoever comes along next (that would be me) in to contortionist-like positions to try and read the numbers on the base, because that would be even more inconsiderate. Wouldn’t it?

6. I know that security is something high on your list but whilst I’m still on the yard don’t feel that you have to lock the main gate, locking me in – you’ve guessed it – with the lock on the wrong way round forcing me to climb over the gate in order to open it, because that would really be inconsiderate. Wouldn’t it?

* Yeah. Sorry about the syntax. Too many doses of Scott Mills.

B.

p.s. BT have obviously seen the error of their ways and are currently delivering a far more accommodating 3.3Mbs

p.p.s. I know that one person from the yard regularly visits this blog (have you nothing better to do?). So I’ll just say that it’s a good job that none of these things happened in real life. Nope. Not a single one of them. Just the products of my imagination, all of them. 🙂